


What Next...???

by Collective_Challenge



Category: Grey's Anatomy, Japril - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-12-01 08:53:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11482932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Collective_Challenge/pseuds/Collective_Challenge
Summary: Offshoots of GA s13 finale, The Japril Story. A collection of different takes on what should or could have happened. Pain, joy, angst, happiness, tears and laughter...experience ALL the multifaceted feels.





	1. The Challenge

**The Challenge…**

Inspired by Grey’s Anatomy Season 13 Finale. What should’ve happened…or How to Course Correct…

We’re a collection of Japril Fanfiction writers, bonded together to right the wrongs of Japril story line inconsistencies, deviations of common sense, inaccurate reporting and continuity mishaps.

We are The Collective.

No Mission, Impossible for us to achieve. Individually strong we are unbeatable together. Collectively cohesive we challenge each other to our betterment. The Global Village is playground to our Kung-Fu Writing.

We are South African, Sri Lankan, Brazilian, English, Greek, Canadian, Filipino, American, German and more.

We are Farzana, Melusha, Veronica, Annick, Dimitra, Zanelle and Sam, Darlene, Heather, Gwen and Shelby and Maggie.

We are **COLLECTIVE CHALLENGE**

The participants to this challenge are: FaziO, MelMel1234, Averysanatomy, Japril12, Alongwalktoforever, Imayhaveapoint, AnotherMaggie and Kepnerssavery.

So, dear readers, you are an integral part of this challenge. For you get to blind judge each of the 8 individual one-shots via the review/comment mechanisms – and if you like, take a stab at guessing which story belongs to whom.

Have a blast, y’all.

I assure you it’s been mucho enjoyable writing and collaborating on this project. The first of many, I hope.

For this to conform to the ideology of its name, there has to be some payoff, right? Aside from the joy of reading and feelin’ all the feels, of course. So after a week of contributions to the blind judging by you, our esteemed critics, the reviews will be tallied and the authors revealed.

Thanking you in advance for your participation.

So...

LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

FaziO – On behalf of The Collective

PS: Apologies to my fellow contributors for the late posting...the fault is all mine.

 **Disclaimer** : All characters belong to Shonda Rhimes, Shondaland, Grey’s Anatomy and ABC

 

**Date: 30-11-2018 Analysis**

Challenge, sans author names, uploaded 15-07-2017. Authors revealed 23-07-2017. **  
  
  
****FanFiction:** Total of **18,595**  Views,  **78**  Reviews, Favs:  **27** , Follows:  **13  
  
                   ** Bad Liars by Alongwalktoforever     -  **15**

Come Back Home by MelMel1234   -  **12**

Well Adjusted by FaziO                   -  **12**

Promise by Japril12 **- **09****

                   Fire and Rain by Averysanatomy **- **08**                 **   

                   Unpredictable by Another-Maggie **- **08****

Take it All by Kepnerssavery           -  **07**

The Date by Imayhaveapoint           -  **07**

 **  
  
****AO3:** Total of  **725**  Hits,  **34**  Comments, Kudos:  **63**

The Challenge                                -  **09**

                   Bad Liars by Alongwalktoforever     -  **04**

Come Back Home by MelMel1234   -  **01**

                   Fire and Rain by Averysanatomy      -  **12**

Promise by Japril12                         -  **01**

Take it All by Kepnerssavery            -  **02**

The Date by Imayhaveapoint           -  **02**

Unpredictable by Another-Maggie  -  **02**

                   Well Adjusted by FaziO                   -  **01**

 


	2. Bad Liars by Alongwalktoforever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackson and April try to do the friendly ex charade, but jealousy is a tricky feeling.

**Bad Liars**

Jackson paced back and forth in front of the emergency room door. The hospital was still under construction from the fire, but the ER had minimal damage and remained open. The last week had been crazy hectic. People were still reeling from everything that happened, but Edwards was alive and that evil man was dead so things worked out better than anybody expected. In fact, Jackson was just getting back into the swing of normalcy when something threw him for another loop. After a long day of looking at budgets and proposals with the board (now just Arizona, Meredith, and Bailey), Maggie Pierce had asked him on a date, like a romantic date. He was surprised and a little bit confused. He liked Maggie, they had gotten closer over the last couple months, after everything with her mom. Also, they had a lot in common and he did enjoy spending time with her, but he wasn’t sure if it was more than that. Furthermore, the idea of going on a date with someone at the hospital, with someone that April knew and had to interact with, that was something he had to think about for a minute.

Raising a kid together when you are separated is no easy feat and they were trying their best to be friendly exes, but the lines had become a little blurrier since Montana. April and him had both agreed that their night together shouldn’t change anything. And he had to keep reminding himself that was the best decision for everybody, but he just didn’t want to hurt April’s feelings more than he already had. So, he asked Maggie for some time to think about it. Mostly, he wanted to tell April before she heard about it from anyone else. However, April and Jackson had been so swamped with getting the hospital back to working order that they had hardly seen each in days, which is why he found himself pacing outside the ER. He would have preferred talking to her at home, but they had just kept missing each other.

Jackson takes a deep breath and enters the hectic room. He scans until he sees April standing by the front desk, assigning interns different patients. Sometimes, Jackson was in awe at how commanding April was in the ER. This was her domain and people knew not to mess with her. Jackson couldn’t help but feel a glow of pride when he thought about how far April had come, not that he had any hand it in it, that was all her. As if feeling his gaze, April looks up and a flicker of apprehension crosses her face, but is easily replaced by a guarded smile. She waves him over.

“Hey! What’s up?” April greets, but remains busy entering information into her tablet.

“Hey,” Jackson waits for her to look up, but her eyes seemed glued to the tablet. After a few seconds, he continues anyway. “Ummm… I just wanted to talk to you, but you seem busy.”

“Actually, this is the slowest that this place has been in days,” April replies, stiffly. “So, shoot.”

“I hadn’t seen you in a while...” Jackson starts.

“You saw me yesterday.” April interrupts him. Jackson was going to point out that it was for all two minutes between handing Harriet over, but he decided not to push it.

“Well, we just haven’t had a time to talk since the fire and everything. I know you were mad at me for being reckless,” He vividly remembers being harangued by her in the parking lot. Ironically, April always got a little violent whenever he did something dangerous.

“Jackson, it’s fine. You like to run into burning buildings and flaming buses that is just who you are and I can’t change that,” April states calmly and shrugs. He wasn’t sure if he believed that statement, April had always called him out on his crap. He knew the minute that she stopped, he should be worried.

“Okay…Well there is something else that I have to talk to you about. Could we go somewhere more quiet?” He was nervous again. This conversation was going to bring up some feelings and the last thing he wanted was to burden her in a room full of people. However surprisingly, April looks him straight in the eyes and calmly drops a bomb.

“You want to date Maggie,” She states, without any trepidation.

“Uhhh… How..?” Jackson asks, stunned.

“I have eyes, Jackson,” April walks behind the desk and starts organizing files. “And Maggie talked to me.”

“Maggie did? It’s not… nothing has happened. I wanted to talk to you first,” Jackson was taken aback. He barely knew that Maggie had feelings, let alone that they are developed enough to talk to April about it.

“Jackson, we are divorced.” April sighs and stops moving for the first time since they began the conversation.

“Yeah, I know.” Jackson had begun to wonder if other divorced people have to keep reminding themselves as much as they do.

“For more than a year. So, you can date, I can date. There shouldn’t be all this guilt,” She states.

“Right…” Jackson was processing her reaction, when suddenly he grasps what she is saying. He scratches the edge of his jaw, a nervous tick “So you’re...dating?”

“Yes,” She nods and Jackson is overcome with an emotion he can’t quite place. “So go on your date. I’ll go on mine. Really. It is okay.”

“So are you seeing someone? Like someone, more than once?” Jackson knew that this information wasn’t all that relevant but he needed to know.

“Yes, more than once,” April feels her cheeks get warm. Never thought she would be gossiping about her dating life with Jackson.

“How long?” Jackson pressed. He had conflicting feelings, he wanted to know all the details and none of them.

“This will be our fifth date,” April tried to keep her hands busy so he wouldn’t see that she was nervous.

“FIFTH!” The exclamation is much louder than he intended and a few interns look over. Jackson clears his throat and continues at a lower volume, “You just haven’t mentioned it before.”

“Well, this is me mentioning it,” April looks at him. She refuses to be apologetic about this.

“Okay...Okay,” Jackson nods, overwhelmed with all the information he received in a short three minute conversation. “So I guess... I’ll tell Maggie yes?”

“Great!” April smiles at him, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

“Good,” Jackson and April stand there for a few more seconds as if waiting for the other to say something more. When neither speak, April moves from behind the desk.

“Well, I have work. I’ll see you later.” April doesn’t wait for a response but heads over to assist one of the interns. Jackson walks out of the emergency room in a daze. He wasn’t quite sure what he was expecting out of this conversation, but finding out that April has been actively seeing someone was not one of them.

He felt nauseous, but maybe this was the normal shitty feeling of moving on. It will go away in time, at least he hoped.

He found Maggie in the cafeteria an hour or so later, she was eating lunch with Alex and Meredith. When they walked into the hallway, Jackson ineloquently began his speech. “So the thing you asked me before... well, I considered it. And you know, a date...a date would be nice.”

“You and me?” Maggie looked surprised as if she had forgotten their conversation from a couple days ago.

“Yes, you and me,” Jackson answers with incredulity.

She nods for a few seconds before continuing. “Great, that…is...great. When?”

“Oh, umm...Tonight?” Jackson felt like he would lose his nerve if they waited too long, talk himself out of it.

“Wow, okay. Tonight. We are going out tonight. You and me,” Maggie rambled and Jackson finally understood, she was stalling.  
“I mean, only if you want?” Jackson asks, and Maggie nods. “Okay, good. Antonio’s at 8?”

“Great, see you then,” Maggie awkwardly waves goodbye as she heads back into the cafeteria. His smile fades as she disappears from sight. He took the leap. He made the first step in moving forward. He thought he would feel exhilarated or excited, but he only felt lost.

* * *

 

April was nervous, so nervous that she had changed her dress three times. She had trouble deciding between floral dresses and a dark green number that she was almost too scared to wear. It had thin straps and was a little too tight for April, but she decided tonight she wasn’t going to play it safe. It was an important occasion, she was going on a fifth date. She hadn’t been on a fifth date… Well, she couldn’t remember the last time she had a fifth date. Like she had told Jackson, in college, she had friends who slowly (slowwwwly) turned into boyfriends, and Matthew and hers first dates were burritos in an ambulance. While, Jackson and she never had a first date or fifth date, it went straight from hooking up in bathrooms to marriage. Vince is the first time she had any inkling of feelings for since... No, she was not going to think about Jackson tonight, she was just going to enjoy her date with Vince. He worked in Oncology and they had met after a consultation with one of her patients. After that, they kept bumping into each other at the coffee cart, until they started meeting there on purpose. It took a few months for him to finally ask her on a real date and her a few more weeks to agree. She declined at first, it was too soon after Montana and her head was not in the right space. However, a few more lonely nights and April decided it was time for a change.

Tonight, they had agreed to meet separately at the restaurant, she didn’t want him getting any ideas of where the night was going, fifth date and all. Officially, it wasn’t against the rules. The Bible doesn’t mention anything about dating after divorce so April was on her own. She liked Vince, but anytime she thought of sleeping with someone new, she grew a little light headed. That probably meant that she wasn’t ready.

In the restaurant parking lot, April checked her makeup and hair once more in the car mirror, before she made her way inside. Vince was waiting for her by the hostess, he was always early (a stark contrast from Jackson). When he saw her enter, a smile crossed his face. April had missed being looked at like this, it felt very very nice.

“You look amazing,” Vince greets her with a kiss on the cheek.

“Oh thank you, so do you. Have you been waiting long?” She asks as he takes her coat.

“Not long,” He states, agreeably. Vince gestures toward the hostess table and says, “Shall we?”

April smiles and follows him. Vince starts giving their information to the hostess, when April hears a voice behind them.

“April?” She turns to see a surprised Jackson and Maggie at the front entrance. April looks back and forth between them, putting it together that they were on a date. _Hmm, that didn’t take long_. Jackson seemed at a loss for words, his eyes fixed on her figure for a few seconds longer than acceptable. April suddenly felt very self-conscious. To her right, Vince makes a noise asking for an introduction.

“Oh right… Vince, Jackson. Jackson, Vince. And Maggie. Hi Maggie!” April goes in for an awkward hug with the cardio surgeon.

“Yeah, man. What’s up?” Jackson shakes his hand and pats him on the back, that seemed too friendly to April for having just met.

“Hey, long time. How’s your jumper?” Vince asks, good heartedly.

“Still better than your free throws,” Jackson replies.

“Do you guys know each other?” She asks, looking back and forth between the two men, confused.

“Yeah, we played ball on Wednesdays,” Jackson looks at April from the corner of his eye, she looks even more uncomfortable at this development.

“Oh...Ohhhh!” April suddenly had a vague memory of Jackson mentioning a Vincent in Oncology, but she hadn’t put it together. Jackson had liked the guy, but called him boring from time to time. _He talks a lot about artisan cheese_ , Jackson had told her once causing her to burst out laughing. April looks over and sees a hint of a grin on Jackson’s face, she wonders if he was remembering the same memory.

“Small world,” Maggie adds.

“Where is Harriet?” April asks suddenly, remembering that it was his night to watch her overnight.

“Oh crap, Harriet!” Jackson smacks his forehead with his palm. “I knew I was forgetting something.”

Maggie and Vince both chuckle at his joke, but April isn’t all that amused.

“She is with my mom,” Jackson answers, seeing April’s expression.

“Okay good,” April replies. She knows that she was being overdramatic, but she was suddenly feeling very aggravated at Jackson and everyone in this room.

“How do you two know each other?” Vince gestures to Jackson and Maggie.

“Their parents are married,” April blurts without thinking. When they all look at her, April starts to ramble, only making things worse. “Not like their parent-parents. Maggie wasn’t raised with Richard so it is not like taboo. Obviously. Also...they work together.”

“Wow, that is...neat,” Vince nods, with an air of confusion but luckily he doesn’t push it.

“Powell, party of two,” The hostess calls.

“That is us. Well, have a good night!” April’s voice sounds unnaturally high, but is relieved for an escape route. However, their escape is disrupted by the hostess.

“So, unfortunately, it is an hour wait for two person tables, or you all can sit at a four person table, now,” The hostess proclaimed.

“Ohhh… no, no, no, no. We are all not together,” April crosses her arms and shakes her head, making it very clear that the hostess was very mistaken.

“Yes, well…” The hostess is taken back by April’s vehement denial. “Then you all will be waiting quite a while.”

April turns to Vince to suggest that they just go somewhere else for dinner, but he has other plans.

“Would you guys like to join us?” Vince turns to the group.

“Oh Vince, I don’t think they want…" April could guess that is probably the last thing anyone wanted, but before she can finish her thought, Jackson interrupts.

“That sounds like an excellent idea, Vince.” Jackson agrees, enthusiastically.

_"What the hell are you doing?”_ April mouths to Jackson, but he just shrugs. Jackson couldn’t explain his actions, because he didn’t really understand them himself. It was like he was possessed and the idea of leaving April alone with this guy was out of the question.

“What? We will be waiting together anyway, might as well get some good food while we do it. What do you think, Maggie?” He turns to his date.

“Uhh. Yeah that makes sense,” Maggie agrees half-heartedly.

“Great, we will take the table for four!” Vince calls to the hostess. April feels the blood drain from her face. This was going to be a very long, very uncomfortable night.

As they all walk to the table, April wonders how believable would it be if she came down with a spurt of food poisoning right now. Or she could fake a page, but Jackson already knew that trick. Maybe, she could just sneak out the back of the restaurant and hope no one would notice. All of these ideas were pretty unreasonable, but April felt her options were very limited at the moment. All she knew was that this night was going to be a disaster. First piece of evidence? When they reach the table, Vince tries to pull out her seat for her, but April had already began to sit down. This resulted in an awkward tussle that Jackson seemed to find exceptionally entertaining.

“Oh, no you don’t have too... thank... thank you, Vince,” April sputters, before finally sitting down. Vince sits next to her, while Jackson sits across from her. She fixes her eye on the menu, sure that any eye contact with Jackson would make things worse.

“Has anybody been here before?” Maggie asks the group.

April and Jackson both nod, while Vince shakes his head no.

The conversation takes a pause while the waiter takes their drink orders. But April can’t help but remember the first time that Jackson and her had come here together. It was their one month wedding anniversary and to celebrate everyone finding out. April loved their secret marriage bubble, but not having to hide anymore, being able to hold his hand in public or kiss her husband whenever she wanted was even better than she could imagine. They couldn’t keep their hands off each other that night and April was too happy to be embarrassed by any of it. They had come here a handful of times after that for boring date nights, or the odd birthday, but that first time held a special place in her heart.

“April?” Vince seemed to be waiting for an answer for a question that April didn’t hear.

“Sorry, what?” April focuses back on reality.

“White or red?” Vince asks.

“Whichever.” April answers, agreeably.

“Hmm,” Jackson makes a noncommittal noise from behind his menu.

“Yes? Do you have something to say?” April was growing increasingly annoyed with Jackson, he was not making this weird situation any easier.

“Nothing, nothing. Just in the ten years I have known you, you have never drank red wine. Ever.” Jackson’s expression is a smile, but his tone has a bite that only April seems to notice.

“Well, I can try new things. That isn’t a crime. Either is totally fine, Vince,” April turns back to her date.

“Okay, let’s stick with white. Don’t want to ruffle feathers,” Vince states with friendly ease.

“No, let’s do red. I am feeling adventurous tonight,” April reaches across and grabs Vince’s hand, Jackson has to do everything in his power not to scoff.

“Red it is,” Vince smiles.

Jackson orders a double whiskey sour, finishing it as soon as it arrives then gestures to the waiter for another.

“I think I am going to order the salmon, what about you guys?” Maggie asks, trying to diffuse the situation.

“Gnocchi.”

“The Gnocchi,” Both Jackson and April answer at the same time. There is an awkward pause, before April continues, “It is really good here.”

Maggie and Vince nod, but they aren’t idiots, there is obviously some history here.

“I am getting the steak, maybe we could split?” Vince asks.

“April hasn’t eaten red meat since her pet cow died,” Jackson states without looking up.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Vince apologizes, while April glares at Jackson.

“No, it is totally fine,” April explains. “Well, you know, I lived on a farm and we had plenty of livestock, but I got really attached to this cow, Margo, and well now I just don’t eat cow… but you totally can. You should! I bet it is really good here.”

“Okay, if you are sure?” Vince asks and April nods. She hadn’t really gotten into the details of her childhood yet with Vince, mostly they talked about work or current events or the farm to table process. Actually, April couldn’t remember a time when they had a real conversation, but she thought that this was the process of early dating.

“Totally, totally, totally sure!” April impresses on him. There is another awkward pause in the conversation.

“So where were you guys when everything with the fire went down?” Vince asks, unaware of the situation that occurred between the three surgeons.

“Well, we were treating the girl,” Maggie nods to Jackson, before catching April’s expression and continuing on, carefully picking her words. “And then we… well, I came out to help with the evacuation process which April was in charge of and knocked out of the park.”

Maggie smiles at April, which she returns. April doesn’t have any bad blood with Maggie, all of her annoyance solely sat with the man sitting across from her.

“I was looking for another surgeon, who was hurt,” Jackson maintained his defense. “I had to see if she was still in the hospital.”

“Instead of letting the firemen do their job,” April mumbled under her breath. Jackson heard the slight, but chose to ignore it.

“How about you, Vince? Where were you?” Jackson asks leaning forward. His question was half sarcasm and half intrigue. If Vince was similarly as reckless as Jackson then April wouldn’t have any excuse to be mad at him.

“A few doctors got locked out after the lockdown so we just went home. I learned about it all from the news. It was just crazy,” Vince states matter of factly. The other two surgeons nod silently, but April feels irked by this revelation.

“You...didn’t check to see if they needed people? Did you even know what the lockdown was about?” April asks.

“Well, what could I do outside the hospital?” Vince answers feebly.

“Plenty. Most of the triage work was done in the parking lot. People had to carry all of the patients out of the hospital. We needed manpower. We needed doctors,” April would never be the one to turn her back on an emergency or go home when there were things to be done, people to save. And she didn’t know if she could be with someone who could.

“Next time, I guess,” Vince shrugs, but April was not going to let it drop. However, before she could interrogate him some more, Jackson interrupts.

“So, anybody watch the Warriors/Cavs game last night?” Jackson asks with an unsubtle attempt to change the subject.

The waiter brings their food and the conversation returns to normal, however April just feels off about this whole night. As Vince and Maggie make pleasant small talk, April feels Jackson’s eyes on her again, yet now she decides to finally meet his gaze. There is silent communication between the two exes. He has always been able to read her better than anybody, even before they became a couple. Here was this man who knew everything about her, even the stupid details like her pet cow or how she preferred white wine. How was anyone supposed to compare? April looks down and notices that his hand is very close to hers at the edge of the table, almost touching but not quite. She suddenly felt like she couldn’t breathe. April stands up suddenly, while the rest of the table stares at her surprised.

“I have to… um go to the bathroom. Excuse me,” She walks straight to the bathroom, without waiting for a response. She runs the facet and stands in front of the mirror, trying to control her breathing. Suddenly, there is a knock at the door.

“April?” It is the last voice, she wanted to hear.

“Go away, Jackson,” She just needed to be alone for one freaking minute.

“April, just open the door,” There was a pause. “Please?”

When she doesn’t protest anymore, Jackson enters the bathroom. She faces away from him, but he sees her expression in the mirror. He has to fight the ever-present urge to take her in his arms and wipe the tears that she is unsuccessfully trying to hide. Instead, he leans against the wall opposite of her, knowing that he had pushed too many boundaries already.

“What do you want, Jackson?” April asks, she was exhausted by this whole night.

“I just wanted to check to see if you’re okay,” He answers, honestly.

She scoffs.

“Listen, would you just come back to the table so we can just get this weird social experiment of a night over with?” Jackson gestures toward the door. He was being an ass, but he didn’t have much control over his emotions at the moment.

“Why are you here? Why did you sit with us?” April turns to him. She is royally pissed off.

“You heard the hostess…” Jackson evades, once again.

“Stop. No. Jackson. For once, can you just say what you mean?” April walks up to him and looks him square in the eyes. He can’t walk out or change the subject.

“What do you want me to say, April? That I hated seeing you on a date? Okay, I hated seeing you on a date!” It was the first time he raised his voice.

“You’re on a date too!” April points out his ridiculousness. “You started this! You sat with us! You said dip your toe!”

“I know!” Jackson didn’t know what she was trying to say, he just knew that seeing her on a date was driving him crazy.

“And I’m not insulting your date or interrupting every conversation or staring at you,” April was making some very true points.

“Yeah, well. You’re a better person than me.” Jackson evades her point once again.

“If you hadn’t been here, if you had just minded your business then Vince and I…”

“Then what?” Jackson asks, exasperated. “No, seriously what? You would continue to go out with that idiot? Come on, Vince is not the guy for you.”

“You don’t know that,” April defends, feebly.

“Yes, I do.” That was the one thing he was sure of.

“Then who is? Jackson, help me out here because I keep putting myself out there and...” Before she can finish her thought, Jackson puts his hand against the wall and April finds herself trapped between his body and the wall, with only a few inches separating them. If she looked up, his face would be exceptionally close to hers. She was having trouble breathing and her heart was picking up in the usual fashion whenever Jackson was around.

April knows what _could_ happen next. She could kiss him or he could kiss her back, it wouldn’t matter. She could wrap her hands around his neck and he could push her against the wall. She could sigh into his mouth, while his hand could travels up her thighs. She could unbuckle his belt as he unzips her dress. He could kiss her neck, while she takes off her panties. He could lift her as she grips her legs around him. She could moan as he slips inside her. They would be so hungry for one another that a few minutes would be all it took to come together.

But that didn’t happen. Instead, April puts her hand on Jackson’s chest and gently pushes him away from her. He resists ever so slightly, but they both know that the moment has passed.

“Let me go,” April pleads. The next part, she states with clear intention. “You have to let me go.”

Jackson studies her hazel eyes. The moment he moves, he knows it is all over. These years of separation and the feelings that still hadn’t faded. How do you move on when your life is still so entwined with the other person? He doesn’t want to let her go, he never really did. He thought he was doing the right thing for both of them, but nothing about this felt right. Finally, Jackson lowers his arm and let’s April pass. She wavers at the door, until he opens it for her. She steals one last look before she starts walking down the long hallway. April refuses to look back. It is time to move forward.

At the table, April makes a feeble excuse about not feeling well and having to go. Ever the gentleman, Vince walks her to her car. As he kisses her on the cheek, April tells him the truth. _I don’t see a future here_. He seems surprised by her admission, which April decides could only mean that he never really knew her. She sits in her car, trying to decide the next move.

* * *

 

Jackson and Maggie were walking silently to her car. The meal was over soon after Jackson returned without much of an excuse at his prolonged absence. He had spent most of the walk apologizing until Maggie had told him to shut up. Jackson knew that the right thing to do was tell her the truth, but before he can even begin, Maggie interrupts him.

“Maggie…”

“My mom said that I should make some mistakes,” Maggie begins, calmly. She wasn’t mad, but he did detect a hint of aggravation in her voice. “Well this night was sure as hell a mistake. What, am I magnet for complicated, unavailable guys?”

“I am…”

“Sorry...Yeah, I know. Listen Jackson, I don’t know what happened with you and April…”

“It’s complicated…”

“It shouldnt be,” Death always puts things into perspective and she was tired of people not saying what they mean and not doing what they really want. “If you love each other, it shouldn’t be complicated. You should talk to each other. And figure it out.”

“Maggie…” Jackson didn’t know what he was going to say, he just didn’t want to lose her as a friend.

“We’re good, Jackson. We’re all good. Go get the girl, please.” She enters her car and drives off. Jackson knew he had some work ahead of him, but he was finally ready to fight for what he wanted.

* * *

 

April was sitting on the front steps of the house. She hadn’t gone in yet, she was scared that Jackson was there and scared that he wasn’t. Also the fresh air was doing her some good and she enjoyed looking at the stars. Everything was always put in perspective when she thought about the stars and cosmos and heaven and earth. It would work out. God is with her, even when she feels him the least, especially when she feels him the least.

“Hi,” Jackson is in front of her, his hands in his pockets.

“Hi,” She replies. April should have known that it is impossible to have a dramatic goodbye when you live with the person and raise a child together. He sits down next to her and there is a few seconds of silence.

“So… Some night?” He states and April lets out a relieved laugh.

“Some night,” She nods.

“Maggie broke up with me,” Jackson states. If what they had could even be considered a relationship.

“I broke up with Vince,” April counters. They look at each other, neither are surprised nor that upset at these developments.

“April, I don’t think it is supposed to be this hard.” Jackson looks down at his hands. For years, he would fidget with his wedding ring when he got thoughtful or introspective. Even now, he would instinctively reach for it, only to feel naked without it.

“What is?” April asks, not sure where he is going with that.

“Moving on.” He says, clearly.

“Jackson…” April shakes her head. She knows what happens if they go down this road and it won’t be good. But Jackson continues, anyway.

“A wise person once told me that if something feels good, then it can’t be bad. Well, what if something that feels this bad, can’t be good. We keep trying to move on and it just doesn’t work. I don’t want it to work. Do you?” Jackson thought he knew the answer, but he just had to make sure.

“I… No,” April answers, truthfully. Suddenly, she stands up and begins to pace. “So what Jackson…How do we? I mean, what does this even look like?”

“How about we start with a date?” Jackson suggests, knowing that she was in full spiral mode.

“A date?” April repeats back, as if Jackson was speaking in another language

“Yes, a first date. We never had one of those, did we?” He smiled, feeling her resolve fading.

“I...When?” April was

“Now? I didn’t get to eat dinner. Did you?” Jackson asks. He was very hungry and Harriet was with his mother for the night. Most of all, he just didn’t want to waste anymore time. April is staring at him, dumbfounded by the turn of events this night has taken. A part of her wanted to run, yell, make him pay for hurting her. But she had caused her fair share of pain too. They had gotten past that, they had moved forward, they were different now. Could they really do this? Could they really start over?

“Jackson?” April starts.

“What?” Jackson was nervous, if she says no then he would feel very very lost.

“I’m starving. Let’s go,” April walks past him to the car. He lets out a loud laugh before he runs after her.


	3. Come Back Home by MelMel1234

**Come Back Home**

April got up from the bed when she heard the sound of the door opening. She glances to her right, and sees the digital clock flash 11.00pm. It had been an hour since she got home, and she figures she’d probably cried herself to sleep. The collective exhaustion from the fire, and the little discovery about Jackson she’d made earlier that night meant she was bone tired, and she could feel the steady thrum of a headache. She tentatively stretches her muscles, feeling the soreness for the first time that whole day. Her body feels as if it’s about to fold into itself, and she feels hungry all of a sudden. Grief was a wonderful thing.

She walks to her door, her hand resting on the door knob for a second, preparing herself for the conversation she was about to have with Jackson. She’d made a plan to move out, she needed the space and she definitely had no intention of being around if he was moving on. Her dignity, and heart, wouldn’t let her do that. She takes a deep breath, preparing herself for what’s to come and steps out into the hallway.

“Jackson?” She calls out to him, as she navigates her way to the living room.

“April? April, honey, is that you?”

The voice wasn’t Jackson’s. It was female, and it sounded terrified.

“Catherine? What are you doing here?” April was slightly confused, because she was supposed to be at home, taking care of Harriet. She was so happy she’d been smart enough to leave Harriet with Catherine that day. One less thing she’d had to worry about.

She took in the woman’s appearance and was slightly worried. She looks frazzled, unsettled and shocked. Her movements are quick and frantic, and April can see a quiet desperation in her. If she wasn’t holding Harriet in her arms, April would’ve been certain something had happened to her baby.

“I came to get you. Come on, we need to get to the hospital quick. Here, take Harriet.” Catherine hands a sleepy Harriet over to April, who happily blurbs nonsensically the moment she sees her mother.

“Hi, baby,” April kisses her daughter’s rosy cheeks, and turns her attention back to Catherine who’s already halfway out of the door, “Catherine, I think we should wait until things are a bit more settled down at the hospital. I know you probably need to be there, but Jackson’s going to be coming home soon, and I can come help you with whatever administration work you need done, as soon as I can hand Harriet over to him.”

“Oh, sweetheart, no… I-Jackson isn’t coming back soon,” She says, tears threatening to spill, “He’s at the hospital, April, he… he’s in surgery. He’s getting operated on. We need to go, so, please, get Harriet and come with me.”

“What do you mean he’s getting operated-?” There had been a few moments in her life when April’s world felt still, and most of them, had involved Jackson. This was another one of those moments.

Catherine however doesn’t reply, merely runs out of the door, and April, runs behind her, holding Harriet tight against her.

_This wasn’t happening, this wasn’t happening, this wasn’t happening._

Once in the car, she turns to April, tears running down her cheeks, “Smoke inhalation.”

“But he was fine! I saw him, he was fine. We got him to-to… breathe in oxygen, he was okay… I don’t-” It didn’t escape her that she was starting to sound rather frantic. She’s panicking. Jackson was perfectly fine. He was okay. She’d seen him alive, and breathing minutes ago. He’d done his stupid superhero act he loves doing, run straight into a fire, but then he’d been okay. They had made sure of that.

_This wasn’t happening, this wasn’t happening, this wasn’t happening._

“April, honey, breathe. Calm down, He will be fine. He will.” Catherine mutters, more to herself than to anyone else.

She rocks her baby back and forth, burying her nose in the comforting smell of her hair. Jackson was fine. He was fine. He was going to be fine. She was going to keep telling herself that to stay sane.

* * *

 

When they reach the hospital, she runs as fast as she can while carrying Harriet. The hallways seem to stretch longer, and there’s a loud pounding in her ears, she recognizes as her heartbeat.

“Where is he? Where is he?” She yells, to no one in particular, and while most people look at her as if she is some delusional lady, who’s potentially a hazard, she feels a pair of hands stop her from running anymore.

“April! April! Calm down, look at me.”

She breathes roughly, from the running and from the sheer speed of all her jumbled up thoughts, and she sees Alex’s face blurry in front of her.

“Alex, where is Jackson? I need to see him, I need to see Jackson!” She tells him, frantically running her hand through her hair, and clutching her baby closer to her.

Harriet notices her mother’s nervousness and begins to protest by crying loudly, almost as if she herself is aware something is wrong.

“Shh, baby, shh,” April coddles her, but she herself wants to break down and scream. She needs to see him; she needs to know he’s fine.

“Alex!” She yells now, her eyes wide, and her voice hoarse, “Where is Jackson?! Where is he? I need to-need to see him. I need to make sure he’s okay.”

“He’s in surgery, so he’s inside OR 2, okay? He’s in good hands. We’ve got Bailey, Pierce and Warren in there with him. They’ll make sure he’s okay.” Alex’s voice is soothing, and he hugs them both to him, running a hand down her arms. She doesn’t need this right now. She needs to be inside that OR, with him. She hopes that even if the person he probably wants is already in there, he understands that she still loves him. She still needs to be by his side.

She hands the baby to Alex and takes off down the hall to OR 2, determined to make it into that OR. She opens the door to the scrub room, and bolts into the theater.

“Jackson! No, no, no. Jackson!”

There’s a bunch of surprised faces who look up at her, and distinct sounds of yelling telling her to leave the OR. She can’t hear any of that, because her eyes zero in on the figure laying down on the bed, tubes hanging off of him, and a still expression on his face. Her ears get filled by the noise of a flat-lining, and she swears she can almost feel the world crumbling apart around her. She feels a pair of arms hold her back, when she attempts to run to him, hold him in her arms, if this the last time.

“Let me go! Let me go!” She finds her voice, and her body tries to fight off the pressure that’s holding it back, and then there’s another pair of arms around her, and she’s being taken back outside. She’s too tired to fight back.

She opens her eyes to see Ben carrying her, holding her back in a death grip, and her eyes dart to the right to see Maggie standing in front of her, telling her things a mile a minute. She can’t hate her when she’s helping to save his life. She can’t hate her because she can’t blame her. She can’t hate her, but boy does she want to.

“I want to operate! I want to help, I can’t just stay back- I can’t just let him…” She leaves the sentence hanging in the air, doesn’t let herself complete it yet.

“You know I can’t do that, April. You are a family member. Family isn’t allowed anywhere near the OR.” Maggie explains calmly.

“So are you.” April mumbles, and their eyes meet, and she can tell Maggie knows what conversation she is relating to.

“Not the way you are.” She replies, and holds her stare for a second.

“Maggie, please, I need him alive, please.” She begs, and she can see Maggie’s eyes fall and she steps forward and engulfs her into a hug.

“Oh, I’ll damn well make sure he lives. There’s something he needs to wake up and tell you himself.” She says, and holds her for a second, before letting go and walking back to the theater.

She’s not sure what exactly she’s talking about, but April is too far gone to really care. He needs to live. He needs to come back, so he can be alive, and in her life. He can be just her baby’s father if that’s what he wants to be, as long as he’s part of her life at all, she wasn’t going to complain. She makes a vow to herself to support him in whatever he decides, she promises to God that if He saves Jackson, she’ll love and respect whatever his choice is. Even if it kills her, she just needs him alive. He needs to live, dear God, he needs to live, even if it’s only to wake up and rip her apart.

They sit in the waiting area, in a wing of the hospital undamaged by the fire. She focuses her attention on taking care of Harriet, all the while waiting for an update from the OR.

“Does anyone want another coffee?” Richard asks, standing up from his seat.

April goes on to answer, but is interrupted by the sounds of heavy feet. She turns her attention away from Richard, clambering to her feet when the doctors line up before her.

“He’s alive.” Bailey says, and smiles at the three of them.

“Oh thank you God.” Catherine says, and a small part of her smiles at the irony.

“Thank you so much for saving-” Richard begins, but April interrupts him.

Something isn’t right. They seem nervous, unsure, as if something is left unsaid.

“What’s wrong?” She asks, and the three doctors turn their attention to her, “What’s wrong? Something’s wrong, I can tell. Tell us what’s wrong.”

They hesitate, exchanging glances between one another.

“The smoke inhalation has caused carbon monoxide poisoning,” Maggie begins to explains, almost as if she isn’t speaking to a bunch of doctors, “This can in some cases, lead to mental changes caused by chemical asphyxiates and low levels of oxygen. Things like, confusion, seizures, or….”

April gasps, her voice small when she speaks, “or coma.”

The doctors stay silent, before they nod.

“He’s not in a coma, per se, but he’s at risk of falling into one. We’re so sorry. We did the best we could.” Bailey tells them, solemnly nodding her head.

“April.” Catherine walks up to her, crying and hugs her. She falls into the hug, both the women knowing that the other person is the only one in the room who could remotely understand how the other was feeling.

“Can I see him?” She asks, quietly, and Ben nods, leading the way.

She hands off a weeping Catherine to Richard and follows Ben towards Jackson’s room, Harriet in her arms. Harriet, once again starts to cry, her little face scrunching up, before tears start pouring.

“Hey, hey, nugget, come on, don’t cry, we’re going to see Daddy soon, okay?” April whispers to her infant daughter, as she tries to calm her down. She enters his room, and the sight of him, lying down on the bed, is maddening.

She walks nearer to the bed, her footsteps unconsciously timed to the beeping sound coming off the machines. She stops in front of the bed, and takes a deep breath, calming herself down. Harriet’s cries have quieted down, and April supposes it’s at the sight of her dad. For all Harriet knew, he was just there sleeping, if she even knew what sleeping was.

April takes hold of her and puts her down on his chest. Harriet blurbs happily, the tears fully stop, and revels in the warmth of her father’s body. She lies down, belly on his chest, one hand reaching towards his face, and the other one a slobbery mess in her mouth. April recalls all the times when she’d come home to find Jackson cheating on belly time by keeping her on him, instead of on the floor. April would put up a faint fight, before giving in completely, because the sight was too precious.

She wipes away the tears that had fallen down her face and sits down on the small space on his bed. She glances at his face, brings a hand up to smooth his worried brow. She clears her throat, and begins to speak. She knows he can’t hear her. He was unconscious as of right now, but just as talking to the dead was cathartic, this would be too. At the very least, he was still here, alive.

“You just couldn’t not run into a fire, huh?” She begins, a sad chuckle escaping her, “God, how many times do I have to go through this because you think you’re some superhero whose job is to save everyone? I… am proud that you’re that guy, I really am, I’m just… you had the audacity to be mad when I told you not to run into fires… or maybe it was just me you were mad at. I mean, you didn’t mind that she…”

April shook her head knowing she was going off point. This wasn’t about that, it wasn’t about him leaving her behind; it was about him leaving them all behind for good. She needed focus.

“I need you to wake up, okay? I need you to wake up, because I love you. I always have, Jackson, and I always will. I’ll never stop loving you. I don’t think that’s possible, really. You need to wake up so that I can have you in my life, as just a co-parent if that’s all you want, but you need to wake up because I need you there,” She gasps, as she feels her body shake from the intensity of emotion, “Harriet needs you to come back too. She needs her Daddy here. You have to be here to scare off all the boys, and teach her how to throw hoops. You need to buy her, her first pair of those ridiculously expensive sneakers. You have to come back for her, Jackson. She needs her dad.”

She combs her hands through Harriet’s hair, as the little girl flattens her fist over her father’s cheek. April smiles at the gesture, “Your mom is hysterical. You know, she can’t lose you. Richard- he is also a mess. He loves you, Jackson, like a son. You always wanted a dad, and I think you found one.”

She glances at his hands, takes one to hers, and claps it tightly in her hold, “You have to wake up, because you have your whole life ahead of you. You have to wake up, so you can be happy, with… whoever you chose. I just want to see you happy, but you have to wake up for that okay.”

She nods, mostly to herself, as she leans forward and puts her forehead against his. She closes her eyes and enjoys the proximity, wondering if this is the last time, even if he wakes up. She opens her eyes and sees the vast constellation of freckles that run across his nose into his cheeks, and feels the beautifully smooth skin when she brings her fingers up to trace a line down his nose.

“Please come back, Jackson,” She murmurs, breathing in, “I can’t lose both my boys.”

* * *

 

It’s 3 days after, and he’s still asleep. That’s the word she decides to use, not comatose. It implies a chance of forever. She rarely goes home. Catherine brings her clothes, and food, and any one of Harriet’s supplies. Harriet is given a cot, and she refuses one for herself, because she’d rather sit by his side anyway. She fervently prays, and cries, coddles their baby and that’s about all she has the energy to do.

She’s almost falling asleep on the armchair on the 3rd day when Bailey and Maggie come in to do their daily examinations. They ask her a slew of questions she diligently answers, and try to keep the pity from their eyes. Dr. Bailey thanks her and walks out, while Maggie hangs behind.

“You can stay, you know? I’m not trying to hog him, I promise.” April says, wondering if she maybe was doing just that. It won’t matter when he wakes up anyway, and asks for her, but she wants to hang onto for as long as she can.

“I’m not here to see him, actually, I’m just wondering if I could talk to you?” Maggie asks, slipping her hands into her pockets.

“Um, sure. Is this about… you know?” April wonders if she wants to establish boundaries now herself.

“It is, but… look, April, I don’t know what you think you saw, but there’s nothing, absolutely nothing going on with the two of us.” She tells her, and shrugs her shoulders for emphasis.

“But-”

“No. No, buts, April. Look, I don’t know what happened with the two of you in Montana, but something clearly did. I know we’ve been hanging out a lot more recently, but that’s just because I lost my mom, and it made me realize how little of my family I have left. He said it himself, April. We’re kind of like family. Meredith and Richard and him, they’re the family I have here. They’re the ones I’m related to somehow or the other, so I depended on them, after my mom died.” Her voice breaks slightly at the end, and April feels a surge of sympathy for her.

“Maggie…” she smiles, sadly.

“Hey, this isn’t about me, okay? Look, he’s in love with you. A lot. I can tell because he won’t shut up about you and Harriet. This is annoying to me, because, hello, single lady over here.”

The two of them share a laugh and it sounds strange in the room.

“I do… like someone. It doesn’t really matter, to be honest, because… it’s complicated. Look, Jackson is my step brother, April. I have issues, but not those sorts of issues,” Maggie says, looking at her meaningfully. “I just need him to wake up so he can tell you this himself.”

April opens her mouth to say this, but she doesn’t get a chance to respond, because the machines start whirring to life, and her head whips in Jackson’s direction. Her heart skips a beat to find him twitching, slightly, back to consciousness. A slew of doctors and nurses run into the room, and the room takes on a new life, as hope comes fluttering back. She watches in silence, as the world around her moves, and his eyes open for the first time in a while, and he frantically searches for something, as his lips move steadily, whispering something the noise drowns out. But she’s seen the word fall out of his lips too many times not to know what he’s saying. He’s calling out for someone; he’s calling out for her.

“April.”

* * *

 

“He’s asking about you two nonstop. Please go inside so I can have some peace and quiet,” Bailey tells her, rolling her eyes as she walks out of the room.

April laughs, and kisses Harriet’s head, “Thank you. All three of you. I don’t think you’ll ever know how much this means to me.”

“Just doing our job, April. Now go! Dr. Bailey’s right, he’s so annoying.” Maggie laughs, ushering her into the room.

April steps inside, as Harriet lets out a loud shriek at the sight of her dad, sitting up on the bed his arm stretched out to her.

“Nugget!”

April has a hard time holding her, as she squirms in her mother’s arms, and she quickly hands the baby to Jackson for fear of dropping her. He takes her from her arms, and pulls Harriet against him, dropping kisses on any inch of skin he could find.

“Hey, princess, did you miss me? I missed you... so much.” He smells her head, and sighs peacefully, as April hangs back as she watches her two favorite people interact.

“Hey.” She’s snapped out of her thoughts by his voice, and she looks up at him to see him staring back at her. “Come here.”

He holds out his free arm towards her, and she hesitates slightly before taking it and letting him pull her towards him.

“I’m sorry,” he starts, as she takes a seat next to him, facing him.

“About what?” she asks, slightly indignant now that he’s well.

“About everything,” he sighs.

“Like how you ran into an open fire and then yelled at me for getting mad that you might be hurt?” She huffs, dropping his arm, and crossing her own against her chest.

“I’m sorry.”

“I was terrified,” she says, her eyes dropping to her lap. “I was so so scared Jackson. I thought... I thought this time I had lost you for good.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop. Saying. You’re. Sorry.” She emphasizes each word by hitting him across the chest, and unlike the last time, he lets her.

“I’m sorry about Montana.” That one takes her for a tailspin.

“Don’t change the subject,” she tells him, but in reality she just doesn’t want to have that conversation yet.

“I’m sorry about Montana,” he repeats, his hand on her chin forcing her to make eye contact. “I should’ve talked to you about it. I was confused, and so I avoided it because that’s worked great for us in the past, huh?”

She rolls her eyes, but doesn’t reply.

“Maggie told me you think I like her,” he tells her, and her eyes widen. How does he know so soon?

“April, first of all, she’s my step sister. That’s just... really weird.” He screws up his face, and she looks a little surprised how put off he is by the idea. “Even if she wasn’t, I can’t believe you’d think I loved you so little that I’d be the kind of guy who sleeps with you and then moves on with another girl. I can’t believe you thought I could ever move on from you.”

“You tried!” She pushes, and he has the sense to look ashamed.

“Well, I have more than one mistake on my list of the dumbest choices of my life,” he shrugs. “And surprisingly, most of them have to do with losing you.”

“What was Montana?” she asks straight forward, because he almost died and she doesn’t want to play games anymore.

“A new start,” he tells her, eyes locked on hers, never leaving. ”Our new start, hopefully.”

“Why didn’t you tell me all that before? It could’ve saved so much-” She’s too emotional to go on, so she just cries, and he holds her, letting her let everything out. She needs this.

“See, this is why I have to say I’m sorry.” He teases her, and she hates him for having the gall to tease at a time like this.

“I hate you,” she whispers, resting her forehead on the crook of his neck.

“I never stopped loving you,” he admits, as Harriet holds a hand out for her mother.

“Me neither,” she quietly admits, as he smiles gently at her.

“We should’ve had this conversation a long time ago, huh?” he asks, and this time she manages to finally crack a smile.

“I’d say yes, doofus.”

He laughs, but it sounds wheezy, because his lungs aren’t still fully healed. She quickly gets him some water, and he sips slowly through the straw. She turns to keep it, when his voice cuts through to her.

“I saw Samuel.”

April stills for a second, her hand gripping the bottle of water tightly. She crushes the plastic in her hands, unconsciously. She thinks she may not have heard him clearly, but he’s quiet so that affirms that she did.

“What do you mean?” She’s quiet, almost a whisper.

“I don’t... I don’t know if it was a dream, or... something else, but... I saw Samuel. He’s small, but a little bigger than in the hospital. I... is that how it works in... in...”

She understands what he’s asking, “In heaven?”

“I don’t know. I really... I saw him. I know you think I’m crazy, I just-”

He shakes his head, and she takes his hand in hers, “How was he?”

He looks her at her, eyes focusing deeply, and she sees his oceanic eyes mist over. He’s happy she believes him, she can tell.

“He was good. Mark and Lexie, they were... looking after him. He seemed happy.”

She lets out a strangled sob, and he looks taken aback for a second. He brings a hand up to her face and cups a cheek, and she lets herself rest against it, “I always prayed they’d find him.”

He nods.

“I’m glad they did,” he smiles, and then his brows furrow, and he takes a long pause. “I almost didn’t want to come back.”

She can understand that. She thinks she’d have her hesitations as well.

“Why did you?”

“Harriet... and you,” he says, and his smile is wider, and more real, and it reaches his eyes. “I miss Samuel, I always will, but he’s fine. He’s okay, and he’s going to be fine. You... and Harriet, you need me around. You need me to take care of you, and protect you and... love you.”

“I’ll go to therapy. I’ll do whatever it takes to have you back.” He pulls her towards him, and she doesn’t fight it. Not anymore. She lets him gently place a kiss on her lips, and ghost his breath over hers.

“I’m sorry too,” she finally says, and his eyes snap open. She’s never said it, she realized, and maybe that’s all he ever wanted to hear. “Samuel was yours too. I’m sorry I left. I had to, I really had to, but I’m so sorry I did. If I could take it back, I-”

“You can’t.”

She nods, and tries to pull back, but he keeps her there.

“You can’t, but that’s okay. It’s our journey. There’s no point going back to sugar coat it. It’s dark and stormy and we almost broke. But it’s _ours_ ,” he says, and runs his thumb along her jaw.

“I love you.” The words fall from her mouth, and it feels as though she was drowning and she was finally coming up for air.

“I love you too,” he says, and sighs from the sheer relief they both feel.

“But like seriously, Maggie?” He laughs, and she joins him for the first time in a longtime, and swats him softly across the chest.

“Shut up!” She giggles, and Harriet who had been observing all this from her father’s arms, happily claps along.

“I barely even know her! It’s more likely I’ll date Meredith than her.” He chuckles, and shakes his head.

“Stop! I was paranoid okay?!”

“You’re like those people who make conspiracy theories.”

“Jackson!”

“The world is ending because the meteors have feelings!”

She blushes deeply as he continues to tease her, and a feeling of normalcy settles over them.

“You’re the worst,” she says, and he pulls her up to him. She tosses her legs over his and settles down on his chest, Harriet placed between them.

“Yeah, but you love me. So does this one. I’m okay with that,” he says, and drops kisses on both his girls.

They revel in the silence for a while, both of them devoting their attention to Harriet and to each other. They’re a family now... they’re a family, again. She breaks the silence after a few minutes.

“Bet you can’t wait to go home, huh?” She knows how much he hates being the sick one.

“Nope,” he smiles at her, and hugs both of them closer to him, “I’m already there.”


	4. Fire and Rain by Averysanatomy

**Fire and Rain**

“Good morning, sweetheart. It’s time to get up, we have a long day ahead of us!”

It was barely six in the morning, but the sunlight coming thought the large glass windows and its curtains was already illuminating the pink and white room. It was beautifully decorated, with the walls covered with pictures of a health and in various stages of growing Harriet Kepner-Avery. On the side table, two separated pictures rested, each of a single picture of her parents with a different-aged infant in their arms. A barely awoken Jackson, still in his white cotton pajamas and barefoot, approached the four-poster bed in which a five-year old girl with curly brown hair and intense green eyes slept.

“Too early, daddy,” she murmured against her feather pillow into which she sank her face the instant Jackson sat over her sheets and went for a kiss on her forehead.

“I’m sorry baby…” he murmured, fingers tangling in her messy curls while caressing the back of her head. “But you know how our special schedule works… I have to get to the hospital earlier than usual in order to also leave early so…”

“We can drive there in time; I know daddy…” She finally rolled again, face covered in sleep marks, but made no motion in order to leave the bed, instead snuggling more under her heavy covers. She was definitely not a morning person. One of the many facets they shared, as well as the love for any kind of food and sports, and not forgetting the Kepner-Avery Sparkle. Some people said that her sometimes spoiled and bossy attitude also came from him and his mother, but in his un-biased opinion it was only a matter of how to get what they wanted. “I just don’t feeeeel like staying in the daycare today. Bailey Aaaaalllways picks at me and Lexie, and that’s when Diane is not stealing our crayons.”

“Well baby, I already checked and Aunt Arizona told me that Sofia is still in New York, so we’ll have to wait to set a playdate with her…” Jackson stood up from the bed, opening her closet in order to pick her an outfit so they wouldn’t be late. “How about… you stay drawing in the gallery while I’m operating?” He smiled after settling for a pair of pink leggings with a matching tutu, and a white shirt covered with fake diamonds.

“For real, dad?” The girl was out of her bed in an instant, running to his side in similar pajamas, only in pink, to pick her own lab coat and stethoscope, courtesy of Harper. “Oh, can I give them to mommy later? Please please pleaseeee?”

“Of course, sweetie.” Jackson faked a smile at the girl after the mention of her mother, but it turned to a real one after the girl went back to her room and opened her bag for the occasions, half-done already, and started tossing in it a multitude of stationary items.

“Okay, so it has to be perfect! I need a lot of white paper, and my favorite paint colors. I think my orange is finished, but we can stop and buy more, right dad?”

“Baby, I’m sorry, but I don’t think so… You know I really can’t be late or…”

“People could die...” He approached her from behind, watching as her shoulders deflated slightly, but still getting things set. “It’s just… How am I supposed to paint her hair? You know how she hates when someone tells it is red…”

“I do, baby, yes.” He chuckled, reminiscing at April insane arguments about colors and its variations. He was a perfectionist, but even to  _his_  eyes salmon and peach were the same. “But maybe if you mix juuust a bit of yellow and red…”

“Yes, of course, daddy!” She hit her own forehead, rolling eyes at herself and finally turning to him, hands on hips. “You are so smart, you remember everything.”

“Just everything my little girl might need, and for now that’s a nice shower.” He started laughing and quickly reached her, turning around once before setting her over his right shoulder like a potato sack, her loud giggles against his ear. “Come on, stinky one.”

* * *

“So, going on a field trip today?” Arizona asked from across the patient, an 8 year-old-boy who had been spending time with his grandparents and who overturned a pan of boiling water onto himself the moment his grandmother’s back was to him.

“Yep.” Jackson was not remotely interested in starting up a conversation about April on that day, even less so with Arizona, and especially with his daughter sitting in the gallery above, her view panning between them and the many drawings she was making. The intercom was on to help him keep an eye on Harriet, but he also knew that she was extremely curious and attentive to any words that might concern her. Catherine much?

“I visited them a couple days ago too. I said it before but it’s a really nice place…” the bottle blonde insisted, looking at him with a condescending smile while stretching her neck and back. No matter how much he tried to believe she wanted to help, to him it always sounded like she was prying for information.

“Are you serious?” He rolled his eyes while keeping his tone low to avoid grabbing Harriet’s attention.

“What?”

“Do you really wanna talk about it while my child is listening up in the gallery, Arizona?”

“Harriet likes it there too!” Jackson scoffed, not believing he had to stay in the room and listen to that crap. All he wanted was to spend time, a great time, with his kid and enjoy any measure of peace he was able to squirrel away in order to deal with this eventful day. But it would be an impossibility if that woman kept on with the subject. So much for Karev being on Paternity leave.

“Because there’s a lot to love about this situation.”

“Oh, come on, Jackson, it’s not like she knows any better!” The noise of a clamp hitting hard on the mayo stand made everyone turn their attention to the man who tossed it. Jackson no longer had his eyes on the patient’s arm. Instead he stared holes into Arizona’s skull. His face was blank of expression, but his eyes radiated disgust, making the woman focus on her job again.

“But she should, don’t you think?!” He kept in place, voice cold, avoiding his daughter’s name so even if she listened, she wouldn’t associate the talk with herself. “Don’t you think she should have both her parents living together as a family? She might not remember but she had it for a year, Arizona…”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like  _that_ … it’s just… You never really talk anymore about it…”

“What’s there to talk about? She is gone.”

“It’s not like that and you know it…”

“Daddy, daddy! Look, I finished the first one.” Harriet called him from the gallery, diverting everyone’s attention to herself. Something Jackson was glad for. He really didn’t want to dwell about his private life in a room filled mostly with strangers. Arizona and a bunch of his friends might not mind it, but he is an Avery and had a reputation to uphold.

“It looks beautiful, sweetheart.” He smiled proudly at his little girl standing on top of a chair, holding a colorful, but unidentifiable drawing. “I might keep this one for me.”

“No, silly!” She tossed her head, a serious expression on her face, and hands now on her hips. A mini-April. “This one is for  _Mom_ , so she can see how Seattle’s ORs look now.”

“She will love it, Hattie!” Arizona quickly stepped in after seeing the look on Jackson’s face after his daughter’s note. “Let me tell you a secret… This was her  _favorite_ OR.”

“Seriously, Aunt Zona?”

“Yes!” Arizona kept working, feeling Jackson’s eyes on her again. “We operated here maaaany times together. So did she and your dad; your grandparents; Uncle Owen and Aunt Amelia; Uncle Alex and Aunt Maggie... Why don’t you ask about it when you are all together?”

“I will!” They both heard her voice rise and the echo of her shoes heavily hitting the ground; she obviously having jumped straight from chair to floor. “But now I’ll make another drawing, a better one, with all details, and dad can keep this one. You don’t mind, do you, dad?”

“Of course not baby…” he answered her loudly _. I’m used to getting the worse part of the deal..._

* * *

“Got everything?” The sun was still a bit high in the sky for being already six pm, but the shadows from the trees surrounding the park were getting larger by the second. This created a comforting, warm atmosphere, the entire setting drowned in golden light. He could call it beautiful if not for the situation and destination. The bag rested on the floor of the car, a couple of drawings in her right hand, the best among the pile she made the entire day. With her left, Harriet handed him a build-a-bear dressed in Seattle Seahawk’s attire, forcing him to add it to the growing pile of one hand, which already accommodated two bouquets of sunflowers of different sizes, so that his other hand was free enough to enable alighting both of them from the SUV. He straightened his old suit and blue tie while she reached on the seat to pick a picnic bag, joining hands after starting to walk over the grass.

“Yes daaad. We come here every Saturday… Today we just have special gifts because it’s a special occasion…”

“Exactly sweetie. So what do we have here…Our basic snack basket…With extra drawings…”

“Flowers! Mine and yours! Oh, and the new Bear I built for Sammy!”

“That’s right! Exactly like your new one, right?”

“We are both Seahawks fans, so you and mommy don’t have to fight.”

“It wouldn’t be fair anyway, the Browns can’t even be considered a team. I bet she wouldn’t even mind.” Jackson shook his head with a little smile, eyes focused on Harriet, skipping casually down the, unfortunately, well-known path.

He would never get used to the sight. His little girl hopping in a cemetery towards her mother and big brother’s graves. While he hated the fact that Arizona was right in her affirmation, he was glad that Harriet was still innocent enough to not be completely aware of her loss. He, on the other side, was coward enough to use the view of his kid as a way to avoid the certainty of other graves declaring that the dead lived there, including half his family. Thus the path leading to April and Samuel.

After a few moments he felt Harriet letting go of the vine basket and his hand, picking the small bouquet on the way, running towards the graves. He gently picked up the basket, slowing his movements, always allowing some time for the three of them together, and giving himself a second to take a deep breath to prepare his mind for this living personal nightmare. The moment his eyes beheld the view in front of him, he felt tears accumulating, and suddenly it was hard to stand and hard to breathe. This was what he beheld every weekend, for the last four years, and yet his mind still spun out of control. Every single time.

His daughter was sitting in between but forward facing two large beautiful headstones made of white marble. Each one was carved with the names of the two lost members of their family. The front of each looked like mini gardens, filled with the most colorful flowers. Usually there were only a couple of bouquets, some weeks a couple more, one always from him. When Harriet was smaller, he used to bring Samuel another bouquet, but once she sneaked one of her toys to her brother, and after that it became his gift, as she said he could make a better use of it than flowers. He paid the cemetery-plot custodians to keep the graves especially tidy, and for the toys to be donated before their next arrival.

Jackson approached them, finally settling a few steps further away than the usual, knowing that his one-sided conversation with April could get out of hand, and he would hate for his kid to be witness to one of his breakdowns. He put the soft fabric over the grass, picking their P&B sandwiches, glasses of milk, and many desserts, unconsciously tuning in to their talk.

“And this is the OR I watched dad operate today. Aunt Zona was with him, because the patient was a little boy who got burned while his gramma cooked. Dad said he would not even have a scar, like, forever. That’s how good he is, but you already know that, right, mama?” Jackson felt his hands turning into fists, his jaw set, his daughter’s words making him hold a sob instantly, glad he had his back to her so she would not see it. If only she knew. “There he is,” she whispered in secrecy. “He is a bit slow today; I don’t know why. Aunt Zona also told me to ask you both when the four of us were together about the time you and dad spend together at your favorite OR. I don’t know what it’s special about it, it just looks like every other one…”

“Oh but that’s it…” he said standing up after collecting himself quickly, approaching them to sit on the grass behind the girl, setting her between his legs. “Me and your mom spend a great time together inside of it, that’s all you need to make it special…Spending time with your loved ones.” She looked up at him, a huge smile on her face, recognizing the moment they were all spending together. Never in his life would Jackson have imagined that their family meetings would be so macabre, or that a cemetery plot would become  _The_  hang out location for him and his daughter.

“So, that’s what I draw for you.” Harriet’s attention was now back at April’s grave, moving with her knees until she was resting against it like it was her headboard. “Everyone shows me pictures of you operating too, and I know the rooms have changed  _a lot_ , so I wanted you to see how they look right now… It has a bunch of beeping machines, tech shiny stuff, and almost no one dies.”

“And there’s this one I made for Sammy, because there’s the four of us together. Look, it’s me and dad at home, and you and Sammy in heaven.” She pointed at it, showing the huge house Jackson insisted on living in, with the two of them together, while the other two sat in fluffy blue clouds. Her orange hair was just perfect. She put it in front of Samuel’s headstone, giving it a small kiss, before sitting again against her mother’s, now curled, facing forward. “I know you had to go and take care of him, because he is small and had no one, but sometimes I miss you very much, Mama. I wish we could all live together and play, and you could tuck me in at night. I miss you singing to me, and hugging me good night like in the videos. I know it’s not your fault, neither daddy’s… I just wish I could give you real kisses on your birthday… Because I miss you so much, and I love you very much. And I also love you Sammy, be a good kid for mom and God and the little angels.”

Jackson only realized he had his eyes closed tight and tears streaming down his face when he felt Harriet’s arms around his neck and she buried her own wet face on it. He smiled lovingly at her while she kissed every tear on his face, before giving him an Eskimo nose kiss.

“Do not cry, daddy.”

“I’m not crying, baby. I just love the three of you so so much. Now how about you start eating while I talk to Mom and Sammy a little?” She nodded, kissing each one of the graves once more before sitting at the side.

Jackson stood up slowly, the bear in one hand and the larger bouquet in the other. First he got closer to his son, also kissing his headstone, before gently setting the bear against it, side by side with the drawing.

“Hey buddy. How you doing little man? You have a family that misses you very much, all the time. Me and your sister, we love you so much, Sammy, so much. Also… Today is a very special day, you know it, so give mommy lotsa love, from me, okay? Don’t give her a hard time, because I’m not there to catch the flack if she gets mad, or to calm her down. One day I will be, but until then, you know our deal.” He kissed the headstone once more before kneeling down in front of April’s grave, completely covered from Harriet’s sight, which had been glued to him. He kissed the sunflowers before setting them in the center of the grave, both hands and leaning forehead thereafter touching the cold stone.

“Hey, babe… Happy Birthday. I… I don’t know what to say, I mean, not every week can be eventful. Less important stuff first, Owen is taking good care of the ER, and the April Kepner DRSABCD Protocol is running better than ever in every single hospital in America. Our baby is right about the casualties, and I like to think that’s because of you. Harriet keeps loving pre-school, she definitely took after you in this business. We might go to church today in addition to tomorrow. I arranged for a special service. She was a really well behaved, good girl today at the OR, and I know you and I had agreed to keep her away from it until much older, but she was having a bad day, and who am I kidding, so was I… I wanted to have my eye on her every second of the day, because who knows when might be the last time, right? Sorry, didn’t mean to get morbid about death.” Jackson took a deep breath, knowing where his mind was trying to take him, hating how he couldn’t avoid it no matter how hard he tried.

“Arizona told me she came here a couple days ago, probably knowing me and Harriet would like some private time today. She also left you flowers, and now I can see so did everyone else.” He smiled with eyes closed, grateful for the people who stood by his side during the darkest time of his life, since April passed, knowing that his different, closed-up, harder upon himself and others self was due to having lost everything. Maybe those flowers weren’t only for his love, but also for him, to know that even though he felt lonely, he was not alone or had been left behind. “You are really missed. You never believed when I told you that people loved you, but they did. It’s just so stupid how you can never express it while the person is still alive, right?” So there was no escape, not that night.

“And I know what you are thinking, I do. And I am going to therapy twice a week, I swear I am not pushing people away anymore. Mom, Richard, Maggie and Alex come to dinner every Friday night, and also call every couple days. They don’t think it’s healthy that I live for Harriet and work but…What else am I supposed to do? Once they even suggested that I should start dating…can you believe that?!” The memory made him laugh with despair and anger… at people, at the universe, at whoever was to blame for taking April from him. “See other people? Move on? Fuck them. Fuck you if you ever think of agreeing with them. Half my family is living in a cemetery how the fuck am I supposed to move on?”

“You were supposed to go home home, April!” He spews, curving even more against the stone, feeling the tears, the nausea, the darkness of embracing the reality of his life creeping into his brain and settling in. “The moment we had stabilized all patients; we were supposed to go home. Harriet was with my mother for the night, and I had the dinner planned and your fucking ring in my pocket, but you had started acting all weird, then chose to cover for Owen when he left to meet Megan instead of letting any other person do it. Now on your birthday I have to operate in the same OR I last saw you in? Telling me to go home alone and that you would follow soon after? Knowing that you never fucking did because no one bothered enough to check  _your_  airway? Because no one remembered to fucking put you in an O2 mask?”

“I didn’t, okay? I was supposed to do it! I’m a freaking plastic surgeon for God’s sake. I deal with burn victims every moment of my life, and I didn’t, because I had my mind on how the first time you got fired was because of a fire victim, and I was lucky Shepherd hired you back or I would have missed the love of my life; and that the last time we were in a burn setting you were running towards me and saying you loved me after. And how the last time an entire crew of firefighters were in the hospital getting treated by us, I was the one saying I wanted to try again. I was thinking how stupid it was that after we went through so much, another tragedy had to happen for me to make a move. But then you decided to fucking die. You fucking died, April, while I was waiting home lighting candles and waiting for you to message me back. You coded in my hospital while I… I just wish someone could’ve paid more attention, that I had…Because I can’t move on. Not because of guilt, or not entirely, says my therapist, but because you’re the love of my life. You…You are the one, and I couldn’t have pushed us apart any more, but I never expected you to be so… out of my reach. That I would never say it to you, one last time… It was supposed to be me and you, until the end. So please, make people stop making me try to move forward, because all I will ever want is you. And Sammy and Hattie, together. All I want if for you to know it… and that I’m thankful… Thank you for being the amazing best friend, wife, mother, person I could never have even dreamed of having. You might not have been my first, babe, but I promise you will be my last. I love you. Happy Birthday.”

 _"Oh, I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain. I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end._  
_I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend,_  
_but I always thought that I’d see you baby, one more time again, now.”_


	5. Promise by Japril12

**Promise**

“What is wrong with you?” April questions him angrily and takes him by the arm. She holds onto him tighter than she should, he’s here, out of the fire and out of harm’s way but April almost doesn’t believe he’s fine. She leads Jackson to one of the free ambulances and forces him to sit down.

“You scared the crap outta me, Jackson.”

“I need some O2.”

“You think,” she mutters under her breath and puts the mask on him a little more forcefully than she should have.

She doesn’t understand why Jackson’s being a little difficult. He tries to speak but April puts the mask on then, cradling it to his face.

_He’s fine, he’s okay she tells herself._

“I was trying to find Edwards,” Jackson says but his voice is muffled through the plastic of the mask. She can’t hear him. He puts his hand over hers to steady her, she’s shaking.

Jackson squeezes her hand while taking a deep breath. He pulls the mask away and looks up at her. “April, I don’t need any more oxygen.” He takes a deep breath before he speaks. “I’m fine.”

“You say that now, but what happens when we go home and you start coughing up blood,” she rants, starting to become more frantic. April puts the oxygen tank closer to him as if its proximity would somehow ease his pain, remove the damage the smoke inhalation had caused. “And we have to come back here because you didn’t listen. And...”

“April,” he tries calmly.

“I said things, you said things. You can’t do this, Jackson.” April takes a step back. She doesn’t want to get him riled up and, he needs the oxygen but she’s just so mad at him.

They agreed to try again after Montana, they had talked about everything. She saw how her previous actions affected him, even more so now with the information about his father. She apologised for leaving and he admitted to his mistakes as well. Jackson knew that he could have been more forthcoming, but they were working on themselves, together.

“You can’t say things to me and then run into a burning building, again I might add.” He watches her when her voice breaks. “And what would have I told Harriet, huh?”

“April,” Jackson raises his voice as best he can, it’s hard to talk. “I left Edwards in there with a psychopath. I had to try and help find her.”

She lets her hands drop at her sides so he’s holding the mask all on his own.

He had only seen her that one moment before the fire broke out. He knew that she was fine but she didn’t have that same reassurance and it’s not like he had the chance to warn her.

April takes a seat by him on the step of the ambulance and tries to calm herself down but doesn’t really feel her breathing even until he puts an arm around her and tilts her chin up so she can meet his gaze.

“We just started to work everything out and I- if something happened to you - I wouldn’t know how to...”

“I know and I’m sorry,” he presses his forehead to hers. “I’m sorry.” He should have known that she would worry.

“This is the last time you do this to me, Jackson Avery,” she tells him both laughing and crying.

He laughs a little uses his thumbs to wipe the tears away. “Don’t act all innocent, you’ve done this before.” Her face scrunches up in confusion so he carries on. “You had our baby, in a storm, with no pain medication, away from a perfectly good hospital.”

He can joke about it now when his adrenaline’s high, but that’s probably the most scared he ever was in his life.

April watches him and bites down her lip to stop her smile. She knows it’s failing when his finger traces her the dimple in her cheek.

“I promise you, I’m not going anywhere.”

“You can’t promise me something like that,” she shakes her head.

“Yes, I can,” Jackson reaffirms. “And you know how I feel about promises.”

“I love you,” April kisses him softly.

He returns it but keeps her close when they break apart. “I love you too.”


	6. Take it All by Kepnerssavery

**Take it All**

He’s in a state of shock. The hospital, Minnick, Stephanie nearly dying. All had exhausted him to no end. He wants to go home. He wants to sleep for the next two days and just forgot about the chaos awaiting him; he can already hear his mother’s knowing voice. In fact he can see her coming towards him.

“The hospital burned down, a rapist nearly attacked one of our doctors and she burned him to a crisp. What is going on? Do you know how much this will cost us? Do you realize the bad press we’re going to be getting?” Catherine’s agitated voice follows him down the hall.

“I know Mom, I know.”

“Jackson this is unbelievable.” Catherine notices about her son, that he seems quiet, tired, almost defeated. There’s an uneasy thought brewing in her head and she knows a certain redhead is occupying her son’s mind. “Did you and April ever discuss your relationship after Montana?”

“I’m sorry, what?” Jackson asks, shocked.

“Are you an idiot?” Catherine responds, smirking. Her son may be a brilliant plastic surgeon but he was still a man. A fool nonetheless who could never confront his feelings.

“Mom, April and I are co-parenting and we’re getting along just fine.” He rolls his eyes and in an exasperated tone says, “Nothing happened in Montana. We gave a young girl her voice back. That’s it. Everything was professional. Nothing happened.”

There’s silence and his mother looks at him, not saying a word. It’s that look she gives when she’s trying to understand him. When she knows he’s lying or hiding something. That look that always makes him uncomfortable and he knows she’s up to something.

“Jackson…. talk to April.”

“Mom we do talk.” He can see his mother’s bravado self-resolving and he’s getting agitated.

She speaks softly. “She’s leaving Jackson. She put in her resignation last night and now is Head of Trauma Surgery at Virginia Mason Medical Centre,” as if to let him down easily.

He doesn’t move, he’s in shock. Virginia Mason is two hours away from Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital. How are they going to split Harriet? Why hadn’t she mentioned it? When did she decide to leave? They had rekindled their relationship in Montana but when they returned, Jackson was pulled into the drama surrounding Diane Pierce’s cancer and hadn’t had the time to discuss where their relationship stood.

He’s not sure how he got out of the hospital but all he remembers is driving like a madman back to the house he shares with April.

The house is eerily quiet and the first thing he notices is two packed luggage bags by the front door. His heart sinks. And then he sees her sitting by the kitchen table in all her glory. She looks smaller, tired, defeated.

“You’re leaving,” he manages to say. Somehow the thought of not seeing April everyday is sending him into madness. And Harriet? How is he going to get by without seeing his daughter everyday? His miracle baby. Their miracle child.

“It’s only 2 hours away and we’ve got a great custody arrangement,” she quietly responds. “Jackson you’ll get her every other weekend and we’ll split the weekdays. I think it’s time to move on. Harriet’s a year old, I’ve completely healed and I’ve overstayed my welcome here. It’s a great job. Great benefits and a good salary. And I need it, I really need it.”

“Moving on?” Of all the things that April has said, that was the one thing he focused on.

She sighs before she responds. “What divorced couple lives together Jackson? We need to move on. We’re stuck in this cycle of just hurting each other, and it’s not going to be healthy for either of us. We need to meet other people.”

He wants to scream. He can’t breathe. It’s as though her words were suffocating him. How did they get here? How were they always missing each other? This always happened. When one of them was ready to move on the other person would drop a bombshell. He can’t lose her again. He’s lost her twice before and in his life there’s no one else like her. She was it. How does he say it? That she’s his soulmate, the love of his life. He’s always done a horrible job in conveying his feelings, especially once it’s too late. He’s sick and tired of this. He knows he screwed up. He knows April screwed up. How do they fix this?


	7. The Date by Imayhaveapoint

**The Date**

I don't know why I'm so nervous. Maybe nervous isn't even the right word. I have been on plenty of dates, but well, not in a long time. Usually I am the picture of confidence, even on a first date. I know that I can be charming, and I use that. But tonight, I don't know, something just feels off.

I button the cuffs on my dress shirt, and take one last look in the full-length mirror that stands in my closet before grabbing my wallet and keys off my nightstand and walking down the hallway.

I am surprised to see Harriett's door slightly ajar, and I pause just outside to make sure April doesn't need my help getting her back to sleep. Through the crack in the door I can see April, sitting in the glider rocker in the corner, feeding our daughter. I remember when I bought that chair I thought I would spend hours in it rocking my child to sleep. Watching April sit in it with our daughter during a late- night feeding is not something I ever thought I would see. Funny how things work out.

I can't help but notice how happy April looks as she watches Harriett's eyes get heavy with sleep, while being held contentedly in her mother's arms. She runs her fingers over Harriett's wispy hair and laughs to herself.

"You are quite the eater. I thought for sure you would be sleeping through the night by now, but I guess you have your daddy's appetite." She pauses and I can tell she is deep in thought. "You know, we used to live in a different house. An apartment actually. But that was before you were born. And so many times I would wake up in the middle of the night to find your dad had gotten up and snuck into the kitchen for a midnight snack. I would wander to the kitchen, half-asleep, to check on him, and he would always look a little guilty standing in the kitchen eating cereal or spicy potato chips. You know how much he loves spicy food. I never told him this, but I thought it was cute. Then when I was pregnant with you, I lived alone in that apartment. And so many nights, you would kick and wake me up in the middle of the night, and you wouldn't stop until I walked to the kitchen and grabbed something to eat. And you know what you wanted to eat? Anything spicy. Spicy chips, hot wings, nachos with peppers, the hotter the better. Even before you were born you reminded me of your dad. So, maybe when you get a little bigger, and he's in the kitchen getting a midnight snack, you can sneak down there with him. He'd probably love that."

Harriett's breathing has slowed as April's melodic voice lulled her back into sleep. April pulls Harriett back enough to readjust her shirt and then kisses her on the forehead, lingering just a moment to breathe in her scent. I smile to myself, knowing I do the same thing. There is something calming and comforting in her smell. She stands to place her back in her crib, and I quietly turn back to my room not wanting her to know I was there.

My door closes with a click, and I lean against it contemplating what I am about to do. Before I can second-guess myself, I pull my phone from my pocket and make the phone call.

"Hello?" Maggie sounds happy that I am calling, and I feel a twinge of guilt, but not enough to change my mind.

"Hey, it's Jackson."

"I know, Jackson. I have had your number programmed in my phone for a while now. Are you outside? Should I come out?"

I sigh, realizing I should have thought this through better. "No, I'm not outside. Actually, I was wondering if we could do this another night?"

"Oh," I can hear the confusion in her voice, "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. Everything's fine. I just, um, had a long day at work, and I thought maybe another night would be better." It's not a complete lie, but it is a lame excuse. I have had plenty of tough days at work that have not stopped me from going out, but tonight, all I want to do is stay home.

"Okay…" she sounds annoyed. "Well, I guess you let me know when you want to reschedule."

"I will. Thanks for understanding," I say, and hang up the phone before it can get any more awkward.

I take off my dress shirt and pants and hang them back up in my closet. My favorite hoodie and basketball shorts are tossed across the foot of my bed, so I grab them and decide to catch the end of the game before getting some sleep. I head back down the hall, past Harriett's now closed door, and into the living room. I stop, just as I turn the corner, surprised to see April in her pajamas wrapped up in a blanket on the couch.

"Hey," she says, "I thought you were going out."

"Uh, yeah. I was. I changed my mind," I tell her.

"Oh," is all she says in return, and I am grateful she doesn't ask more.

I stand there for a second, unsure of what to say next. "I was just going to watch the game, but I can watch it in my room."

"No, you can watch it in here," she says, tossing the blanket off her lap and hopping up from the couch. "I'm not watching anything. I just was just relaxing, but I can go to my room." She picks up the blanket and begins to fold it neatly.

"You don't have to leave. You can stay if you want. I know you don't love basketball, but I wouldn't mind the company…"

She raises her eyebrows in surprise, but then agrees, "Sure, yeah. Company would be nice. I'll go grab us some snacks."

I cross the room and pick up the remote control from the coffee table before sinking down into the couch. I have all the sports channels memorized, so I turn right to the game, and can't help but say, "Yes!" aloud when I see that my team is winning. I quickly get lost in the game, and I don't hear April come back into the room until she tosses a bag of chips on to the couch next to me. I pick them up to see that she brought back my favorite spicy potato chips and popcorn for herself.

I tear open the chip bag and smile at her as she sits down beside me with her legs folded in the opposite direction. "I didn't even know these were in the pantry. I thought I ate the last of them."

"You did," she laughs, "I grabbed more at the store today." She throws a handful of popcorn in her mouth, and looks up at the TV. She sits up in excitement and smacks me lightly on the arm. "Hey, your team is winning!"

Her gaze stays on the TV as she tries to follow along with what is happening, but my eyes are on her. I think to myself that I traded dinner at a fancy restaurant to sit on the couch and eat spicy potato chips in my pajamas with April. Most people would think I was crazy, but I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.


	8. Unpredictable by Another-Maggie

**Unpredictable**

Life is exceptional. The chances that a child is not only conceived but carried to term and then survives are actually very slim, no matter what sex ed would like teenagers to think.

Life is unpredictable. People are social creatures, their paths intertwining from the cradle to the grave. And people are generally unpredictable. No one knew this better than Doctor April Kepner. From her big sister who one day out of the blue decided that instead of sharing the same lunch table she'd share her lunch directly with April by throwing it into her face to get a laugh out of her friends; over her first lover who decided to jump back into bed with her – divorced – because he was emotionally confused by professional success and private troubles, and then just stopped talking to her; back to herself who ran away from her own wedding, her perfectly planned life into uncertainty.

Her daughter Harriet had inherited this ability to do or say the unexpected. Whether she had it from the paternal or maternal side, or whether with her parents it was practically inescapable had yet to be determined.

On a Friday evening the four-year-old announced: "Mommy, I haf to ask you somefing."

April raised her eyebrow at the serious tone and face her daughter had put on display. Usually Harriet was a ray of sunshine. She was goofy, cracking a couple of knock knock jokes an hour, and always smiley. "What's that?"

She could only watch as her own daughter gave her a look down after which she continued to shake her head.

"I can tell you."

"Why  _can't_  you tell me?" April corrected gently. Lately Harriet had the negative and positives pretty mixed up. Fitting their life, in a way.

Doing something also very unlike her, Harriet sighed. "It will make you sad."

"Try me," April pushed, although she wasn't sure she wanted to be tried. Actually, she was pretty sure she didn't want to be tried. Jackson was a difficult topic throughout all her life. Always had been.

Topping her confession up with puppy eyes, Harriet told her mother: "I want daddy to come to parent's day."

Now it was April's turn to sigh. "Oh, Hattie, you know he can't."

The answer she got was a big frown. "But why?"

Despite how often Harriet had asked her the same questions April still didn't really know what to say. How do you explain these things to a four-year-old? How do you break these things you barely understand yourself down into sizable bits and pieces of information your child can understand? How do you convince your child that this was part of God's plan when all you wanted for it to be was another reality you didn't have to live in? How?

April reached out, cupping Harriet's little hands in hers. Their skin stood out against each other. It reminded her of how Jackson's skin looked against hers when their hands touched.

"Harriet... you know you're very loved."

Her daughter scoffed. "Everybody is! We learned at Sunday school..."

A small smile appeared on April's face. She loved that Harriet took away so much from church, even though some people in their family might argue otherwise.

"Yeah... of course you did. Jesus loves you..."

"...and mommy and daddy and grandma and aunties and uncles and Jo and Bee... I know, mommy."

The smile disappeared as April worried about the sequence of names being named. It worried her that Harriet still put her sisters last. Although the relevant works, and her own experience – thank you very much -, had taught her that a little resentment of the new siblings was perfectly normal it had been months since the twins were born. She should have gotten over it already, April was sure of it. For the moment, though, she chose to let it slide.

"What matters is that you're loved even if daddy isn't here," she continued, "Even if daddy cannot come to  _bring in your parents day_ , he loves you very much."

Harriet pulled her hand back, shaking her head. "He camed for the babies."

"They were very little. I couldn't have managed all three of you. We needed help. We didn't have help before Freyja came, remember?"

She nodded, pondering the thought. Their au pair had been most helpful during the last few months. Newborn twins, a preschooler and a job – April couldn't have done it without her.

"Can Freyja go?"

"What?"

"If Freyja goes, we'll need help wif fe babies and daddy will come back," Harriet concluded, nodding. Problem solved.

Oh if only things were so easy.

"I'm sorry, Hattie, but that's not how it's going to work," April declined, shaking her head. "Besides, you really like Freyja."

"But I like daddy more."

April pinched the bridge of her nose. "Okay, look, baby..."

"I'm not the baby anymore, silly mom." Not-the-baby-anymore shook her head, dark hair flying around.

"No, no, of course you're not..." There was still time for the 'you will always be my baby' phase. "Look, Hattie, I'm going to call daddy tonight. Do you want to talk to him before bedtime? Would you like that instead of a story?"

It was amazing to see her daughter's eyes light up, her posture straighten and her frown turning into a beaming smile all just because of a simple phone call.

"More than just good night?" Jackson always told them good night, but usually there wasn't a lot of time for more than that except for scheduled calls.

April nodded. "More than just goodnight. But you need to be ready, so you better hurry up the stairs and get those teeth cleaned."

Harriet giggled as her mom tickled her side.

"I go, I go!" And up she went.

Her mother watched her until she'd completely disappeared out of sight up the stairs. April loved being a mom. It was her most important role in life, more important than being a doctor, a Christian or even a wife. However, it was also the hardest.

She shook her head, pulled out her phone and scrolled through her contacts until she found Jackson's number. He expected her call in five minutes, but whatever. There was no harm in trying.

Again life hit unexpectedly: he picked up on the first try.

"Hey April."

She smiled. "Night, Jackson."

"Still early in the Emerald City," he corrected.

"Never too early when you got two babies in the house," she countered.

"Touché."

April walked over to the fridge, so she could rearrange the ocean of pictures and photographs while talking on the phone. "So how are you holding up?"

He sighed. "Alright, I guess. We're pretty much done with hiring. Even got all the interns for the year and a complete nursing staff. No one sick or on maternity leave, so that's something."

"Sounds rad," she complimented. An old picture Harriet had drawn for Easter had to go in favor of one she'd brought home today featuring a fat unicorn tap dancing on a star (at least that's what the artist said).

"Yeah... it's really good. Now we just need to find a medical director..." he trailed off. His own personal herculean task that remained unfinished after a whole year. Of course he wasn't happy to speak about it. "Anyway, how are you? How are the girls?"

April bit her lower lip. Some other time. She didn't want to waste these precious minutes fighting. "We're good, they're good. Teething, and losing teeth..."

"What? Hattie lost a tooth?"

"No, not yet, but one is coming lose. It's crazy, really. I didn't lose my baby teeth until I was seven."

"How awesome would that be though, if the babies' teeth came in the day Hattie's first tooth came out?"

"Pretty awesome for somebody who isn't listening to their collective crying, I suppose," she murmured. Then, realizing what she said, she immediately retreated: "I'm sorry that was uncalled for, I..."

"You're stressed," Jackson guessed.

She shook her head, realized he couldn't hear nor see that and added: "No."

"Please be honest with me, babe. You don't have to sugarcoat it. Not for me."

"I'm not sugarcoating anything. It's been alright. Harriet just..."

"Harriet just what?"

"She misses you. She wants you to come to bring your parents day. I didn't really know what to say to her. She doesn't understand. She... I don't know. I told her you'd talk to her before bedtime, I hope that's alright."

"Of course that's alright."

April nodded. The fridge was crowded. If the twins liked drawing as much as their big sister they would need to make some serious cuts. Or get a new fridge. Well. Right now they'd just have to split it up between their place and Jackson's place in Seattle.

Damn it. Getting bitter before forty. Her family had warned her this would happen if she kept going like she did. But then, what else could she do? She'd never had much of a choice in whom she loved.

"Maybe we should facetime," Jackson suggested.

"Ah, no, we had to answer to a fire scene and I didn't get a chance to shower yet."

"I meant Harriet and me," he chuckled.

"Oh."

"Although I would love to see your ashy face..."

"That's not what ashy means, Jackson."

"Whatever you say, babe, whatever you say..."

"Mommy! I'm ready for bed," Harriet announced as she came bouncing down the stairs.

"Careful, baby, you'll fall," April warned. She was almost ready for the "not the baby anymore" that followed her advice. She'd never really be.

Harriet hopped all the way from the last step to the kitchen counter behind which her mother was standing. "Is daddy on the phone?"

"Yes, that's him, but we've got to hang up now."

"But you sayed-"

"We've got to hang up now, because daddy wants to facetime you," April explained quickly. No need to provoke tears, especially not when her daughter was that happy.

As expected by both her parents, visually affirmation for April and auditory for Jackson, the four-year-old's face broke out into a brilliant beam. "Really?"

"Really. Look, I'm calling him right now..." For Harriet to get a good view of the screen April put her phone down on the kitchen counter, and then lifted her up onto one of the barstools. Sure enough Jackson's face – exhausted with big bags under his eyes, but excited with a big smile on his lips – appeared on the screen.

"Hi, princess."

"Daddy! I miss you!"

"Aw, I miss you, too, Hattie. We haven't talked in  _ages_. Do you still have that kindergarten teacher...Diamond?"

"Her name is Ruby, daddy," Harriet giggled. "And we gotted a new one too!"

The situation seemed to be a great chance for April to leave them be and check on the twins. She had the baby monitor close, standing next to the fridge. Yet her mother's heart could only truly be reassured if she saw her girls alive, breathing and well. Almost losing one of them during the pregnancy had left her somewhat aware of how uncertain their lives in particular were.

"I'm going to check on the twins, you stay with daddy," she told Harriet, who acknowledged her with an absent-minded nod. Her main focus was on the rare opportunity of chatting with her daddy. April couldn't exactly blame her.

At least the youngest members of their family didn't mind Jackson's absence as much. Their primary food source was April, their primary attention source April and Freyja. Their parents could only hope they'd recognize Jackson by more than just his voice whenever he came back home to his girls.

Jackson's girls. They had started out just April and Harriet, back when April thought Jackson loved Maggie, while Jackson was really in love with April, but thought April had no more interest in him. Back when April, enraged after what had happened during the fire, started packing her things, hers and Harriet's, and Jackson came home to them, confused. Back when April yelled and slammed doors, and Jackson yelled and slammed doors, and both of them yelled and slammed doors until their fight was interrupted by something that tore both their hearts: their daughter crying. Back when they both rushed into the light pink nursery where Harriet was standing up in her crib, clinging to the bars, crying. Back when they reassured her together, and April said she was sorry, and Jackson was he was sorry, and April confessed she'd been afraid he'd leave them, and Jackson said: "I'll never leave my girls."

Of course, that promise had long been broken. But Jackson's girls weren't just April and Harriet anymore. So maybe that didn't count.

While Harriet had upgraded to a blue room when they moved to Boston two years ago since that was her 'fawight' color, the twins' nursery had been painted a light lilac tone. It was a small room. They didn't expect to have another child when they bought the house, never mind two. They were forced to give up the office – not that any of them used it a lot either way – which made a good enough twin nursery, but would definitely pose a problem once the girls got bigger. Life is uncertain, though, and for the moment they fit nicely.

As she opened the door April immediately spotted one of her daughters wide awake since the cribs were located on the opposite wall.

"Hey, Josie. Can't sleep, hm?"

The nine-month-old stared up at her with eyes as big as saucers. She couldn't speak yet, and April didn't think she understood language at all. However, their youngest child clearly recognized her mother's voice: a smile broke out on her face.

"Is something the matter, princess?" April bent down to pick her up. Again, her question remained unanswered. "Are you cold? Hungry? Breaking a tooth? Stinky?"

She lifted her daughter up until her nose was at the level of the baby's diaper. "Hm. No. Seems fine to me."

As she brought her back down to rest against her chest, her daughter's hands contracted into little fists grabbing hold of April's sweater. "Aw, are you lonely, Josie? Are you sad Bee's asleep and can't talk to you?"

The twins babbling to each other was literally the cutest thing April had ever seen, and she had witnessed Harriet blowing kisses at eleven months.

April took a step to the side to take a good look at Beatrice. As usual she was fast asleep. She'd always been a better sleeper than her sister. Even in the womb. At least Jackson, who claimed he could distinguish them before they were even born, said so.

Normally, April would put Josephine down. Teaching her they'd always pick her up just wasn't a good idea. However, tonight with Jackson calling them April felt a bit lonely. Taking Josephine out of her crib for one night wouldn't kill her.

So when she descended downstairs to get her oldest into bed, she took her youngest with her.

"...and last week Freyja picked me up from kindergarten and Tom,- fat is the new teacher, daddy, I haven't telled you about him, -sayed I don't look like my mommy and I sayed that this is because Freyja is not my mommy, Freyja's my nanny. But fen mommy picked me up and my teacher asked whefer I have two nannies, and mommy got really mad and telled him fat she is my mommy. But I don't know why. And fen I sayed it's okay if he does know, because what matters is I know. Right daddy?"

"Totally right, nugget. And hello there mommy and... Josie?"

Harriet turned around to face her mother and sister, then back to the phone. "That's right! How do you know that, daddy?"

"I can tell all my princesses apart," Jackson assured with a big grin.

Harriet giggled. "Silly daddy, they're not princesses, they're babies."

"They're princess-babies then." He shrugged.

"And mommy is the queen?"

"Oh, you betcha."

April nodded, smiling at Jackson. "And the queen says it's time for bed."

"Nooo! Mommy, please. I'm not even tired yet!" Harriet claimed... and yawned. "Fat was an accident."

Her parents chuckled. She really was too cute.

"I'm sorry, Hattie, but I think you should listen to your mommy. Besides, daddy is tired as well," Jackson put in, emphasizing (and empathizing) his statement with a big fake yawn.

Unconvinced the pre-schooler raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Absolutely. I'm going to bed right as you are."

"Okay fen," Harriet nodded. Thank God – or Jackson? No, let's stick with God – for that. There was nothing better than being blessed with an easy-going child. Josephine, who could be a real terror when unhappy, was proof of that. "But you're going to bed right as I am? No staying up wif mommy?"

"Nah... I'm too tired." Jackson gave another yawn. "I'm just going to snuggle up right now."

"Wifout a bedtime story?"

"Without a bedtime story," he confirmed.

Harriet nodded thoughtfully. "I do need a story, neifer."

"You sure you _don't_ , baby?"

She was already halfway up the stairs when she called out: "Not fe baby anymore!"

Despite three hours time difference and a few hundred miles between them, her parents simultaneously shook their heads.

"She's too cute," Jackson said.

"Yeah, she is."

"So," he continued after another yawn. Apparently the fake one had really gotten him started.

"So," his ex-wife-again-wife echoed.

"Josie's teething now?"

April frowned in confusion. "No, she isn't."

"No? I though that's why you took her down with you..."

She rolled her eyes. "Haha, very funny, Jackson."

"What? I was just asking," he replied throwing his arms up in defense. He also managed to kick his phone over, which resulted in them not seeing each other for a few seconds. "Okay, okay. I'm back."

She laughed. "I can see that." She adjusted Josephine against her chest. "It's therapy, by the way. Baby therapy. It's the latest thing."

"Oh, is it now?" He propped himself up on his elbow, apparently he was lying in bed, He must have been really exhausted.

"Yup. Helps with stress, depression, loneliness in absence of your partner..."

Jackson pulled a face. "Babe..."

She shook her head. "Sorry. Low-blow. I didn't mean it."

He sighed. Of course she meant it. "I miss you, too, I really do."

"I know." She did.

"It's just... you wouldn't want me before things are settled. I'd only stress you guys out... and we've talked about this."

They had. At length. Multiple times. But some things just never got better with talking.

"I know, I know... I'm just... we haven't seen you in three months," April muttered, pressing her baby close against her chest as if she'd protect her from a possible fight. She probably would.

"I know it sucks. But it's not long now, I'm sure..." The tone of his voice was steady, but the little crease on his forehead that never really completely went away nowadays gave him away to his best friend. She knew he wasn't so sure about it himself.

"Not long now," April repeated.

"Not long now," Jackson assured. Then he yawned again.

April giggled. "And I thought  _I_  was the one running on baby sleep deprivation."

"Hey! It's called phantom baby sleep deprivation. Just like phantom pregnancy. It's a serious condition!"

"Oh yeah, of course it is."

They laughed together until they didn't anymore. Until they just smiled at each other on their phone screens.

"I love you," Jackson said.

"I love you, too," April answered.

A lot of things in life are uncertain. Some aren't.

"Mommy? Can you read me a bedtime story?"


	9. Well Adjusted by FaziO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking some poetic licence with Harriet's age…

**Well Adjusted**

She was NOT a happy camper.

She didn't mind day-care, usually it was quite fun. And rising and shining was never a problem. Mommy made every wake up an adventure. Of course breakfast was her favorite meal of the day. Like snack or special treat time – she looooved her some cupcakes or cookies! Also lunch, brunch and dinner. And not forgetting dinch, those un-nappable eating moments between lunch and dinner.

Actually any break was good to eat time. Daddy said that. A lot. He also said ALL food was good food. But that was just silly…who could EVER like BROCCOLI or BRUSSELS SPROUTS! Not even the way her mom made them. Those were some DISGUSTING vegetables. Potatoes now, were another story. Those she liked. A lot. There was no way to spoil potatoes…potahtoes? They were simply grand, however you chose to call them. Mom said you knew God loved us, because of the mighty spud. That was one decent vegetable.

Mom didn't give up trying to get her to like the greens tho. She even drooped her own bars…

"Keep it Clean, Eat your Greens, Don't be Mean in 20-seven-teen." She was so corny.

But mommy was being different. She still played all the games and read her favorite stories and made her the yummy snacks. Her food airplane landings weren't as fly as dad's but it was okay coz her belly tickles were the bomb. They made her El oh el. And she gave the best zerbits. Coz she didn't have a scratchy face.

Maybe mommy's tummy was sore? Like  _hers_  the other day, when mommy made it ALL better. She gave her medicine and rubbed her belly. And mommy better kisses.

She'd asked her, "Mommy, will I have a baby in my belly someday?"

"If you want to," mommy had supposed.

"No thanks. That's where I put my candy."

"Food priorities," mom had LOL'ed. "Just like your dad."

Was mom's tum achy breaky because she ate up all the cookies too? Like the Ninjas had done? Or the baby? Baby Ninjas!

Daddy had asked, "Who ate all the cookies?"

"Ninjas," she'd replied.

"I didn't see them," he'd said, giving her the stare-down.

"No one ever does."

"Checkmate," Daddy had whispered, which was weird coz they hadn't been playing chess…or checkers.

So Ninja Baby must of eaten all the cookies. Next to Nana K's, Momma's cookies were the BEST! But wait a minute. That meant no cookies for Harriet!

Nevermind. She would just have to call-up her Grandma Kepner. She would rescue her by sending her some. Or Granma Cat and the Chief…they would buy her some. Or get daddy to buy. But none of them were as good as mom's…or Nana K's! And she'd have to wait days and days for Nana's ones! Okay…so she should just get dad to fly their plane to Moline to pick up the cookies. Yes. Great plan. That's what she would do. Now she just needed to tell daddy.

She was mad. A Grumpus. Why was mummy rushing her to work, she didn't even LIKE celery and she didn't want to go to daycare.

She'd asked her dad, "Daddy, why do you go to work?"

"Because they pay me a salary."

She'd taken a quiet time to think about that, even though no one had sent her to timeout corner.

"I don't even like celery," she'd told him.

So she was a cranky bear today. Why couldn't she just see her dad? Where was he? Why wasn't he there? She needed him. It was sooo looonnnggg since she saw him. She wanted her daddy…  


* * *

So much for being well-adjusted.

Harriet was being especially trying today. She'd proven to be quite the exceptional child, hitting all those milestones prematurely. Enough to put to rest her constant doubts about whether children whose parents were not bound together in the holy bonds of matrimony, could thrive both physically and mentally. What she hadn't counted on was the pre-emptive strike of the harangued parent coined phrase: terrible twos, troublesome threes, feisty fours, fearsome fives and sassy sixes. All rolled into one.

Like her, Harriet seemed to be an overachiever. Hitting all those indicators waaaay ahead of time. Perhaps this was a gauge of their new normal – joint co-parenting by divorced partners.

Harriet's contribution for the day: early onset temper tantrums. Quite the significant accomplishment.

Generally good-natured, smiling and happy-go-lucky, she'd morphed into this frowny, sullen, scowling faced mini-Jackson. She understood it though. The kid wanted her father. She'd become his punk ass sidekick. And to think they'd started off like this…

"That's not the shirt I sent her to daycare in."

"But it's the right kid?"

"Yes."

"Awesome. I'm going to get a snack."

Much daddy daughter similarities. One notable same hobby…Eating.

So yeah, the Jackson's mini-me personality combined with the April mini-me physicality, missed her parent tremendously and acting out was how she chose to make her displeasure known.

This morning however, everything seemed to be hit and a miss for the duo of Kepner gals. And of course when you're running late the universe conspires against you too. With an in your face wake-up call.

Rushing to get a recalcitrant Harriet signed-in and dropped off before the beginning of her shift was a herculean task this wet Seattle morn. Ignoring onlookers to the diva's headstrong obstinacy, April simply lifted her into her arms, using both to keep a firm hold thereby attempting to curb the outbursts of windmilling limbs.

The shrieking was new but April was an old hand at young willfulness. Harriet was testing the limits of her patience. But she would not snap. Kepners were made of sterner stuff than that. And embarrassment was for the weak.

"Need some help?"

"No…thanks. We've got this."

"Doesn't seem like it. Lemme give you a hand. The way she's kicking, she could really hurt…"

"I said I've got this Pierce! Do you think I can't handle my own kid?"

"No. No I never meant that April. I'm just trying to help here."

"Well I don't need your help. I don't need anyone! I can take care of my children by myself!"

Who the freaking hell did Pierce think she was?! Casting aspersions on her character and doubt on her parenting skills like that! As if she would put her baby at risk…either of them. She'd die first.

Pierce had picked the wrong day to test her. And acting all self-righteous, as if she'd been trying to help. Please. She had a disease, Pierce did. It was called Lie-abetes. Did she really think that April was born yesterday? She, Pierce, was trying to curry favor and impress, while simultaneously implying that April was a bad parent, and that  _she_  would be better suited to the role. Did she really think that anyone would fall for her bald faced fake-assed self-pimp out? Maggie Pierce had another thing coming coz April Kepner was nobody's fool.

She didn't know why, after all this time, that it bothered her still. Remembrances of the night of and daybreak after of the exploding rapist caused fire was enough to agitate the cells in her body into a frenzy, the boiling nature of it shooting her blood pressure through the roof. She'd been warned that the onset of this hypertension – aka high blood pressure, aka the 'silent killer' – in her state could be symptomatic of Pre-eclampsia. And that this Toxemia could lead to fatal outcomes. Trying to maintain a calm, stress-free environment so as not to exacerbate or cause any complications, namely the elevated BP, had been key to her mental frame of mind.

She'd tried not to dwell on what she'd seen, actually attempted to remove the incident and resultant chaos from her thoughts, but everything had been coming to a head. Especially when Pierce didn't know to quit, to leave well enough alone. Attacking her on the one aspect of her life where even close scrutiny would reveal no faults. She was a good mother. So the acerbic replies she meted out had not been an emotional response indicative of the condition she found herself in. It had been appropriately deserved.

In fact, Pierce warranted far worse than a mere tongue lashing. Knowing that it wasn't wise, her mind still ventured to that morning after, following that night before. When she'd still been on shift and what she'd seen, had driven her out, mindlessly, to the Ambulance Bay. The results of that carelessness could have been catastrophic. Thank God for Ben Warren.

Pierce hadn't wasted any time in jumping onto that. April's ex-husband, that is.

When she herself had re-entered the ER, with trauma in tow, her attention had been snagged by a civilian-dressed Jackson, with his eyes in turn glued to his iPhone. Obviously ready to leave for home. His shift done and dusted.

No Harriet coz thankfully the little Kepner-Avery had been vacationing in Moline. The timing had certainly been fortuitous. Even knowing that her baby wasn't there, her mother's heart had clutched in momentary fear when the security lockdown and subsequent fiery inferno had materialized. As it was, the first places she'd ensured that were evacuated had been the Daycare, NICU and nurseries, and Pediatric floors.

It had certainly been a relief for her to know that at least one of her loved ones was out of harm's way. Now if only the second, idiotic-brained MAN (redundant, she knew…idiocy was implied when the word man was uttered), he without the requisite fire-fighter training, would not run into burning buildings or busses…

Macho does not prove mucho. And that's a fact, Jack!

Her perspective of the experience: a veritable physical manifestation of mansplaining in action.

He had been lucky tho, to emerge unscathed and heroically victorious. Just like the previous time. After what she'd seen however, she sincerely regretted not pounding him, as she'd done after the bus exploding incident. While she'd been proud of his heroics (he  _had_  saved lives), his stupid ass recklessness had deserved to be acknowledged too. She'd wanted to knock it right out his smirking face.

So anyway, knowing what could happen when a doctor tending to a patient became distracted – visions of her intern year and shades of her first firing – she'd returned her total attention to the trauma on her gurney. But not before having seen, from the corner of her eye, Maggie Pierce dragging  _her_  ex-husband and father of  _her_  children, into an on-call room.

Luckily the trauma had been superficial to the degree that no major surgery was required. For even though her full attention had been on the patient, her mind couldn't help but dwell on what she'd observed. Like for fucks sake man. That was something she would never in a million years have ever conceived of.

She'd finished with the trauma case, instructed her interns on the ensuing requirements, removed the red splattered yellow trauma gown/bib and latex gloves and turned to grab a tablet from the mobile unit to update the board. All that swiftly accomplished, her brain had no longer given her any respite. So she had decided on some fresh air muttering under her breath…"Can anyone give me one good reason why my ex-husband wants to fuck his sister?"

It had chapped her arse that he couldn't find the time or the wherewithal to even discuss what had happened between them in Montana but here he was hot to the trot for Pierce. Every time she'd attempted to bring up the topic of their out of state excursion, the master of conflict circumvention had neatly evaded her grasp. She wouldn't have been surprised to learn that he'd faked some pages too. The ass.

Maybe it was cowardly but she had not been in any mental state for a confrontation. Deep down she'd been afraid that her suspicions would be confirmed. Maybe not on-call room shenanigans per se – Jackson wasn't that crass – or at least she didn't think he was.

She didn't know anymore. Their live-in situation at that point had consisted of mainly Harriet conversations and their respective schedules, which coincidently had them on opposite time shifts. Someone with access to their rosters had been expertly playing dodge-ball with them, pitting them on opposing sides.

Had it been him? King of avoidance tactics and evasive intrigue…

She'd been pretty blind to her surroundings as she'd walked in a direction that was as far away from the ticking time-bomb of an on-call room as it was possible to get. Which somehow had ended with her once again in the Ambulance Bay outside the Emergency Room, gulping in huge breaths of oxygen in a bid to curb the anxiousness her body had been experiencing. Thus manifesting as a light-headedness and desperate need to optimize lung function.

The pallor of her complexion had a twice manifold advantage in saving her life that day. In quite an out of the norm manner. Unbeknownst to her Warren had been keeping a tab on her and upon noticing her decided lack of color and uncoordinated movements had followed her outside.

Disaster had been averted by Warren's speed, agility and swift thinking.  _His_  heroism. Of course it had necessitated her being knocked unconscious by him, once again, but that had been a small price to pay for him saving her life. This seemed to have become their go-to method of interaction. Forestalling a calamity by causing one of a lesser degree.

Coming too in GSMs ER had been an out of body experience. As was being a Trauma Case of a Trauma Surgeon in her own Trauma Centre. It was amazing the level of panic  _that_  had caused. Everyone had seemed to be running around like headless chickens. One would think that they'd never experienced one of their own being saved from a reversing ambulance by being knocked out cold in a tackling maneuver. Flesh meeting flesh, even speedily, was infinitely preferable to flesh colliding with machine.

Once she'd regained cognizance of her senses it was to much embarrassment. Jackson had had to be paged and suddenly her personal business seemed to be the hot topic of the hospital. Or at least that's the way her cloudy mind and vision had perceived it as. Everyone had been staring, pointing and laughing…wait had that really happened?

Anyway, he'd insisted on a thorough examination and this had led to the news of a second unintended Montana trip consequence. Apparently Jackson's virility was unquestionable and all their children chose to manifest their presence in anything but conventional means and times.

She was so tired.

Of him ignoring everything about the trip, about where they stood after, about their lack of communication and mostly about how, for the sake of her children, she needed him. So she'd taken her cue from him and put a pin in any discussions related to them as a couple…or not, considering his newest fascination with Pierce. For now tho, they were simply co-parenting.  


* * *

Life was good. Finally.

There was a newness and freshness to his experiences, relationships and even the very air around him. It was lit. It appealed to him on a variety of levels; all pleasing. He was happy. Not that you could tell from his countenance, of course. He suffered from that syndrome where his neutral expression made him look like an angry serial killer. Although, if one paid careful attention, his demeanor gave it away. It was almost as if he had a spring to his step. Or just the natural Black Man swag.

Now while he wasn't one to take advantage of the trappings of wealth that luck of the birth draw had bestowed on him, he'd learnt, via his daughter of all people, not to cut his nose to spite his face. So here he was, with access to The Avery Jet, able to fly home earlier than expected. With an apparent stop-over in Moline to pick up cookies.

He had to shake his head at his diva princess. She'd embraced her Avery legacy like a duck taking to water. Conversely her feisty Catherine Avery spunk was what charmed her thrifty Kepner grandmother into doing her bidding. No one could resist the incorrigible Harriet Kepner-Avery.

Her intelligence meter was off the charts too and girl knew how to work it. With all the books that both April and him had been reading to her and those she'd learnt herself, coupled with the DNA smarts of surgeon parents, and the on-steroids ego of medical royalty Averys, meant that she was a sponge for knowledge and she owned it. She'd poached Beyoncé with her own take on the Lemonade catchphrase, which she dropped constantly…"Ok ladies, now let's get information." Coz she slayed.

With the honesty inherent in young children, which April very unsuccessfully tried to curb, but only to the degree of conforming to good manners, her speech was never censored. Just the other day he'd been witness to a double barreled drag of hers – epic shade with a classy sip of tea. Or rather a spicy tea. A Chai Tea Latte.

It was two-fold because of how she'd addressed the recipient to her responses. He knew he needed to school her on showing respect, but he'd restrained himself from butting into this confab. He'd refrained from choosing sides. Also, it was never too early for Harriet to receive a lesson on standing up for herself or even adhering to the courage of her convictions. And well, she  _had_ been spoken down to.

Of all things to talk about, the science or branch of biology dealing with animals wasn't the topic he had expected this lesson to hinge on.

"Zoology, eh? That's a big word, isn't it?" Maggie had, partway through their convo and perhaps unintentionally, condescended.

"No, actually it isn't, Pierce," his irascible Harriet had replied. "Patronizing is a big word. Zoology is really quite short."

You could hear a Mic drop.

Maggie had deserved the burn. But since when had his baby started addressing her aunt by her surname? Plus, reminiscent of Fightclub tonality.

And not mentioning her snarky feminism, courtesy of his mother…and hers. Not that he'd had any small part to play. He was a proud feminist too. His mother had ensured that it was behavior that was not only becoming of an Avery, but a much lauded character requirement. The network of elite ol school white boi sexism had received quite the wake-up call when sassy Black feminist Catherine Fox had ascended to the Avery throne. And boy was she a drama mama.

"Girls get tired earlier than boys," Harriet had yawningly and outa the blue announced when he picked her up after a short stint visit with his mother.

"Why?" he'd succinctly questioned, taking a page from his inquisitive child's 'why?' playbook.

"We use our brains all day. Right, Granma Cat?"

His mother and his child. He could only facepalm emoji. They were panning out to be a lethal combination.

Ensuring that he understood the premise of her argument, Harriet had on the drive home pointed to a dead squirrel in the road, saying, "He was a boy."

"How can you tell?" he'd asked, playing along.

"He was stupid."

Point scored. Game, set, match Kepner-Avery.

While thespian theatrics seemed to have skipped a generation, he being the missing link, his daughter was no slouch in that department. She'd picked up the slack quite naturally. Unlike her parents, well okay maybe only him coz April was not without her own unique style melodrama, HKA had quite the flair for dramatics. She'd come by the trait honestly. And although he begged to differ, April did on occasion call him a drama queen too.

"You put your coat on upside down," he'd informed his Mizz Independent.

"No, I didn't," his feisty Ms Never-Wrong had replied.

"Your hood is on the bottom," he'd pointed out.

"My butt gets cold," Miss Sassy-Pants had countered.

The coupling of Avery and Kepner gene pool produced Brainiac children, ahead of the curve in both intelligence and damn fine looks. It was a source of much pride to him. Even when he was on the receiving end of all the shade. It was all in the name of a good-natured call-out. And shade did keep the sun away on hot days…

Harriet had been rubbing her head and as you would expect he'd asked, "What's wrong?"

"I think I pulled a brain muscle," she'd responded.

"Brains don't have muscles." Though not a Neurosurgeon, he knew this.

"Maybe yours doesn't," direct offspring of surgeon had replied.

Holy shit what a fucking badass this child of his was.

But she  _was_  still a child. Consequently, it was unexpected for him to be dealt with the sex-talk so soon. However, considering their circumstances, it actually didn't strain credulity to get the "where do babies come from?" inquiry. Harriet's ask tho was unorthodox. To say the least…

"Why do people congratulate you when Mom is the one making the baby?"

"I helped."

"How?"

Oh boy. He was silent. Then…

"I read her the instructions."

What…he was so not ready to do the sperm meets egg spiel. Maybe when the baby came…

Nevertheless, his  _this_  baby was…still a baby too. A couple of times she'd sung her ABCs all out of order and he'd simply just shouted, "Yes girl. Remix!"

And the most recent beat-box…

"Head, shoulders, bees and toes."

"BEES?"

"And toes."

"Bees and toes."

Who could argue with her dropping of  _that_  track? Slayage. That Black girl magic.

Sometimes she was so grown up. She'd rolled her eyes ever so adorably sarcastic at his popular culture ignorance.

He'd taunted her. "What's that anime with the four boys that look exactly alike? Why is it popular? They're ugly."

"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?"

"The Beatles…"

Her delightful giggles were the applause to his unappreciated wit.

"With great power…Daddy?"

"… comes a great electricity bill…"

Her uproarious laughter at their newest catchphrase gem game was music to his ears.

She so got him. She was unique. Irreplaceable. And he adored her distinctiveness. The love he felt was unconditional. What every parent felt for their children, he supposed. He had to admit that Harriet had set a high standard, but considering her genes and that she would be the big sister had him looking forward to the new baby with unabashed enthusiasm. His kid was a well-adjusted joy. And that was simply because of the woman in his life. He needed to show his appreciation…  


* * *

Aah Victory! She couldn't believe how easy it was escaping daycare. All she'd needed was a small diversion. And Liam had come through. Big time. He  _was_  kinda hip cool; her BFF. He deserved a fair trade thank you. Hijabi Barbie was his. Now for phase 2 – Finding Daddy.

"Excuse me young lady, but what are you doing out here without supervision?"

Busted. Or maybe not. She could claim hide and seek right? I mean, by now, there should be people trying to find her?

She'd just wing it with attitude. And considering who'd spotted her, this was way do-able.

"Just waiting on my dad, Pierce. What's it to you huh? Err, did you see which way he went?"

Hmm, maybe this could work out for her. Pierce could take her to daddy!

Perhaps her Maui Singing Doll Action Figure, resplendent with The Rock's voice, that hadn't left her arms since she'd received it, didn't quite convey the confident 'she belonged' there message she tried to pull off. Granma Cat had watched Moana with her – one of the many hundreds of times she'd watched it – and so now she had a history on Hamilton: The Musical, Lin-Manuel Miranda and words like resplendent.

She was twitchy. Her Fidget Spinner would calm her down…but where was the spin magnet when you needed it? It wasn't anywhere in her Moana backpack…Mommy would definitely find it for her! But wait. Daddy was the last Fidgetter? What had he done with it?

Scratching through her bag, she'd forgotten about the adult presence. Pierce wasn't used to being ignored and she swiftly made her displeasure known.

"Really. You're still trying the bossy pants routine with me? Listen you little brat, I'm tired of this disrespect. It's Dr. Pierce or Aunt Maggie. And I know your dad isn't here. So don't lie to me."

Well that went south in a hurry. And rude af.  _They_  obviously weren't vibing. Looks like Pierce was having a hair-pulling freakout and so she was simply going with resting beach face. The heifer needed to calm the eff train down. Also, where the freckles was her dad?

"What is going on here? Pierce why do you have my daughter…and what gives you the right to reprimand MY child? That's MY job. No matter who you think you are to…nevermind. And how even did daycare allow you to take her – since when do you have sign-out authority? Did Jackson do this without consulting me? How dare the both of you undermine me like this?"

Oh-oh. When did Mama get here? And she was maaaaddd af. She didn't know what af meant but she'd heard daddy use it and mommy scold him when he did. Speaking of daddy…

With Maui in tow, she pushed her way through the squabbling surgeons, her mother and Pierce, both who seemed to be having a beef with daddy or about her dad. She wasn't sure. She wasn't sticking around to find out. She had a much more interesting place to be. She launched herself into his opened arms attacking him with raspberries and kisses.

"Daddy?! Daddy, it IS you! Why were you gone sooo long. I missed you. Did you bring my cookies? Huh, did you…did you? Okay, enough with the kisses now. Gimme my cookies," she giggled her way through the affection daddy was heaping on her. She didn't really mind the gooey sentimentality (Granma Cat again, growing her vocabulary) but she had a reputation to protect. And emotion was for the weak. Nah, she was just messin', something she'd picked up from the older kids at daycare.

"Yeah, yeah, I gots your cookies. I can see what you missed and it wasn't dear old dad. You've just crushed my tender heart…"

"Such a drama queen, dad, like Granma Cat."

"Well Ouch. Anything but that, please! Thy words wound me, my princess."

"Daaaddd…I missed you, okay. Now, Nana K's cookies. Please…" accompanied by much bribery smooches. Dad's resolve was no match for them. They melted him.

"Hey, what are you doing down here anyway? I thought I'd surprise you in daycare."

"Err, dad…" before she could get into the jailbreak experience, mommy stepped in.

"Jackson. You're back. I need to talk to you. Immediately."

"Of course, April. Anything you want. But wait, this is for you..." he smilingly handed her a mixed bouquet of exotic flowers. "How are you feelin'? Both of you?"

"Really Jackson?! What the…what are you thinking?! Is this to pacify me because of what you did?! How could you put your…your…on the daycare list as a responsible person for our child?! Without bothering to check with me or even just ask?! Well you can take your damn flowers and shove them! Or better yet give them to your girlfriend!"

"Whoa…hold up there. I did what now? And…and…girlfriend? I don't HAVE a girlfriend! The only girlfriend I have is you! The mother of my children!"

"You must think I'm a real idiot. You JUST asked her how she was! And she had Harriet signed out of daycare. You better keep her away from my child, Jackson. I won't have her lambasting her behavior. I'm her damn parent!"

"April, please calm down. Your blood pressure…And who exactly is my girlfriend?" In the face of her volatile fury he was amazingly composed. And confused. He'd asked after April and the baby. The only other person in the background, aside from Harriet, who was actually still in his arms (they really shouldn't be having this blowout in front of her…but April appeared to be oblivious to their surroundings and audience; and she seemed intent on dispersing some pent-up rage) was his step-sister.

"Jackson. You're really trying my patience. I've kept quiet for the sake of this baby but I've had enough of you and your…your Pierce…"

"Maggie?! What?!" Okay so this outlandish suggestion succeeded in igniting his own incredulous fury.

"I know I have no claim on you. You made that abundantly clear after Montana. And I know we're not married. And I would never keep you with me for the sake of our children. We've proven that we can do co-parenting. But I can't handle the lies and the looks and the innuendo. I'm a strong woman and I can be a single mother to two kids. I will not let fear keep you, and us, in an unhappy environment. I'll move out and you can just be with her already."

"What the actual fuck April?! You DO know that Maggie is my step-sister right? And when have I ever given you the impression that I'm one of those southern red-neck right-wing trailer park Jerry Springer trash? Do I hanker for the tabloidish sensationalism of an incestuous-type relationship?! C'mon, get real."

"But she's not really a blood relation, is she Jackson? Your biological parents are married to each other and you never grew up together. Also…"

"Also what, April?! I see her as family. She ain't heavy, she's my sister."

"And what about the night of the hospital fire?! I saw the way you looked at her and it was not brotherly love you felt. It's how you looked at me…before. You shot me down and shut me out, when I was worried about you and yet…for her…"

"April…there was nothing romantic in that. I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. I guess I was hurt too that, once again, being heroic wasn't impressing you. So the hero-worship of my younger sister did kinda stroke my ego a bit. I never had that before. No siblings. You know that."

"Are you being straight with me Jackson? You never wanted to discuss Montana…and you…looked…"

"I don't know what you think you saw, but I felt nothing. Consider this babe, the logical impossibility of proving a negative. Aside from telling you what it was there's no other way I can prove it."

"And what about after?"

"What do you mean? There's been nothing after. Nothing before either."

"How about when I was being almost run-over and knocked unconscious? I SAW the two of you go into that on-call room."

"So you saw that huh? Nothing happened…"

"Because you got paged!"

"No…well not entirely. She hit on me, okay, insisting that I had feelings for her. I was explaining that all I feel is brotherly affection. So really I'm innocent here. Guilt by association – without the association."

"Aha, so I was right!"

"Wait what? I just explained that I don't see her as anything but family…in the non-romantic, non-sexual sense. That feeling is reserved solely for you."

"Jackson! Not in front of the babies! But I meant I was right about her…"

"Well I set her straight. And she's been making the effort of trying to be more sisterly with you and the kiddo here. It doesn't help when you call her 'Pierce' in that tone of disgust and when Harriet copies you. Will you please try, both of you, to be nicer?"

"Umm hmm…okay. I'll give it the old college try."

"Thank you. I appreciate it. And no more sic burns from you either Miss Harriet."

"Jackson…Jackson…?"

"April…I haven't said it to you since we found out, but I'm really happy about the baby. I've never felt quite so invigorated and positive about everything. It's a new lease on life, our new start…"

"Oh my God, Jackson! That was beautiful…but my water just broke!"

…Blah blah blah the dichotomy of the serene and the grotesque blah blah  


* * *

GSM Daycare…

"Rock, paper, scissors…hah, rock crushes scissors. I go first."

"Yes Liam, I have a new brother. He doesn't have a name yet, coz I get to choose it. I'm still thinking."

"You'll give me your juice box if we name him Liam? Throw in the red velvet cupcake and it's a deal. Spit and shake. It's Taken."

"I was there Liam, when my brother Liam was born. Yes! Lemme tell you what happened…

First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in Mom's stomach, and my baby brother Liam grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."

"Ooh Mommy was maaad. Why was Pierce there, she said. She was holding her stomach, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh! And then, pop! Mommy had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the floor, like psshhheew!"

"Then Dr. Alex says there's no time and he starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe."

"Uncle Ben and Daddy started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there."

"When he got out, Uncle Doctor Alex spanked him for crawling up in there in the first place."

"The End."


End file.
